Episode 69
Listen on YouTube | Spotify| Apple Podcast | More
Help us out with topics you are interested in Here →Tell us what you think!
It's episode 69, and the guys put on the big boy pants to talk about Sex. We start the episode by discussing how sometimes men like to be the little spoon. Even if you're castrated (it's not that weird. It's a Game of Thrones reference) We then veer off course for a second and talk about incels and how dudes who have difficulty getting buns now have this skewed vision of women. (that's Andrew Tate for helping with that) Rances and Jay talk about "baking" or, as it's more commonly known, "soaking." It's weird. Look it up. We then share some stories about how we learned about Sex... and Mo learned about it from Jay growing up. (Jay was gentle; don't worry) Jay talks about creating a tissue shortage in the early 2000s. Rances closes the podcast with a fantastic story about his son walking on him having Sex.... and how that ruined his next day at school. It's a fun time, we promise.
🎧 Tune in to Mindset U and embark on a journey of self-discovery, growth, and renewal. Hit that play button now and unlock the power of change within yourself.
Check out the resources below!
Book a free discovery call To help you get things done here: https://usemotion.com/meet/rances-per...
Uncover your purpose with this survey: https://forms.gle/RnUDkV9bYZdrdtZ58
learn about the theory of change here: https://www.vidaproject.com/theory-of...
Transcript
00:00:00:06 - 00:00:24:04
Jay
Welcome everybody to an episode of Mindset U I’m Jason Moreno, aka a punch line jay. We got Moses Santos, a.k.a. Mooty Mo, and then we got Rances , a.k.a. Mr. Roboto. I know it's something else, but I go with Mr. Roboto now. It just sounds more fancy. Since it's episode 69, I figured what better episode to talk about sex?
00:00:25:03 - 00:00:51:02
Jay
Because, I mean, we're adults. We have it sometimes when we're lucky enough, we'll have the energy to. But I think it's a it's sex is important for relationships. It's important for your health. It's important for your mental. Unless you're asexual. And then I get that, too. That's fine. You need companionship. That's awesome. Better you than me.
00:00:51:02 - 00:00:51:14
Jay
Um.
00:00:52:25 - 00:00:58:07
Jay
Is there is o resistance there? I thought he was frozen for a second. He blinked. That's awesome.
00:00:58:07 - 00:00:59:03
Moises
He was calibrated.
00:00:59:14 - 00:01:06:11
Jay
Just calibrating. Yeah. You got to take off. You guys take off your parental settings today, buddy. Okay, because we're going to talk about sex.
00:01:06:25 - 00:01:15:20
Rances
You know what? I would when you saw me, like, blank out there, I started thinking about you guys watch Game of Thrones.
00:01:16:05 - 00:01:17:23
Jay
Yeah.
00:01:17:23 - 00:01:22:24
Rances
You remember the the soldiers that they were castrated?
00:01:23:14 - 00:01:23:27
Moises
Mm hmm.
00:01:24:05 - 00:01:54:29
Rances
So. But I remember the show put in this whole thing where they would go to the brothels all the soldiers, and it's like they would just go to be held by a woman. Mm hmm. And to me, that whole thing always hit me so strong because it was like. I felt like it represented the concept of, like, with men, you know, it was like, oh, they want sex.
00:01:55:02 - 00:02:05:21
Rances
And with that concept, they highlighted like, no, they want to be held. They want to be like feel connected. And that was the key factor. I feel connected to that.
00:02:05:21 - 00:02:07:18
Jay
I like being a little spoon. I can't lie.
00:02:09:00 - 00:02:11:17
Jay
It's sweet.
00:02:12:22 - 00:02:15:18
Rances
Well, have you ever been the little spoon? It's just. It.
00:02:15:21 - 00:02:17:16
Jay
It's weird when you are a giant right?
00:02:17:16 - 00:02:17:29
Moises
Yeah.
00:02:18:19 - 00:02:21:12
Rances
Because it's like little back. Like a little, like, kind of.
00:02:21:12 - 00:02:23:19
Moises
Yeah, it's like I got a backpack on top of it. You get.
00:02:23:19 - 00:02:24:09
Jay
Backpacked?
00:02:24:17 - 00:02:29:03
Jay
Yeah. Awe
00:02:29:03 - 00:02:33:12
Moises
You Know, because of my left shoulder, I can't really sleep on my left shoulder. So I sleep on my right.
00:02:34:05 - 00:02:36:27
Jay
And so you're always big spoon. Okay, I'm guessing.
00:02:36:27 - 00:02:42:13
Moises
No, I'm. I end up being a little spoon a lot because. Oh, she's the backpack.
00:02:42:26 - 00:02:43:07
Moises
Because.
00:02:44:01 - 00:02:50:02
Moises
My left shoulder, when I lean on it for too long, it hurts. Well, I hurt it from jiu jitsu.
00:02:50:21 - 00:03:02:23
Jay
So I sleep on I sleep on my stomach. So I'm just a dead body. I just sleep hunched over it just to put your head on my face kind of thing. It's one of those. But anyway.
00:03:03:17 - 00:03:05:18
Rances
It's exactly what I say.
00:03:05:22 - 00:03:07:18
Jay
Face down. Oh, you sleep well?
00:03:08:21 - 00:03:09:16
Rances
Oh, yeah.
00:03:09:29 - 00:03:14:23
Jay
Do you sleep standing up? I feel like you. Like you sleep standing up now.
00:03:15:18 - 00:03:16:17
Moises
Plugged in. Yes.
00:03:16:28 - 00:03:18:03
Jay
Yes. Go through the corner Just
00:03:18:03 - 00:03:28:02
Rances
plugged in. Talking about that.
00:03:28:24 - 00:03:30:09
Jay
Plugged in. Yes.
00:03:30:09 - 00:03:33:18
Rances
You know, the whole Mormon soaking.
00:03:34:29 - 00:03:35:12
Moises
What's that?
00:03:35:12 - 00:03:43:16
Jay
Yes, I learned about that because of the show. Letterkenny TV. Yeah. Is it so kind of just when you insert it but you don't move.
00:03:44:02 - 00:03:49:15
Rances
Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. So the Mormons, they like with their religion, they're like, no, no, we can’t have sex
00:03:49:15 - 00:03:50:12
Jay
so its not Technically sex.
00:03:50:16 - 00:04:00:10
Rances
Is not technically sex because we're not thrusting. So yeah. So soak, right. Which the whole idea of the word soak is sounds disgusting.
00:04:00:10 - 00:04:00:27
Moises
Yeah.
00:04:01:03 - 00:04:14:04
Rances
So I call that baking and it's kind of like baking. Oh, yeah. I got my wife to. I started to think I'm really tired. We all right, so let's just bake. And then obviously that leads. To.
00:04:15:27 - 00:04:19:06
Jay
The fact that she's like, fine. It's so funny to be like.
00:04:20:03 - 00:04:23:08
Rances
Oh, my wife has has a very high libido.
00:04:23:27 - 00:04:24:11
Jay
Okay.
00:04:24:21 - 00:04:34:21
Rances
Very high. So it doesn't take much convincing is more like the logical aspect of like I've got to be up at five in the morning, it's like 11. Yeah. Got to go to sleep, you know. Yeah.
00:04:35:06 - 00:04:38:07
Jay
Like, well if you wanted to race, I got you. Like.
00:04:40:00 - 00:04:53:24
Jay
Sprint to the finish line today. Well no that's funny because like me and Ash, I've been together for almost three years now. Um, basically married. Getting married in August, by the way, guys. Um, yeah, at the end of August.
00:04:53:24 - 00:04:54:09
Rances
We're getting invited?
00:04:54:16 - 00:04:55:03
Jay
City Hall.
00:04:55:03 - 00:04:57:13
Moises
oh, it's the city hall thing.
00:04:57:18 - 00:05:02:28
Jay
Yeah, I found out. I found out last week. So it's it's.
00:05:03:18 - 00:05:27:14
Jay
The 28th we're doing this. And I was like, Yeah, um, but it's one of those things that with Ash, she's such a sweet girl that she never knew how to initiate sex. Sometimes it's always on me to initiate. So when she want to do sexually, like, Hey, big guy, how you feeling? Like, get away from me with that kind of thing.
00:05:27:16 - 00:05:46:21
Jay
And I always be like, Dude, if you want to initiate, if you want to initiate, just grab it. I'm that easy. That usually go, we got mine, I go, You got it, I'll give it to you. So maybe like the past few weeks, she's finally like it's finally sunk in. and its been great.
00:05:46:21 - 00:05:47:07
Rances
Thats interesting.
00:05:47:09 - 00:05:47:21
Jay
its been Great.
00:05:48:11 - 00:05:50:12
Jay
It's so funny because.
00:05:50:28 - 00:06:17:05
Rances
Paola and I have had that conversation too about like that because I think I think with men and women, it's like it's kind of the roles, right? We get used to those roles where men is like, okay, so you want whatever and women is like, okay, we’ll allow it, right? So then when it's like admitting like, Hey, I want that, I think it's like a big dynamic shift, you know?
00:06:17:14 - 00:06:32:27
Rances
But also there's this whole level of rejection. Yeah, women don't have to deal with when it comes to that. So it's like they're putting themselves out there with the possibility of getting rejected. And it's like, that's not.
00:06:33:00 - 00:06:33:08
Jay
True.
00:06:34:05 - 00:06:40:21
Jay
That's very I don't know if you ever being single, Rances, but like you ever I guess what about this is more to you because Rances.
00:06:40:22 - 00:06:41:21
Moises
Was never single.
00:06:41:22 - 00:06:45:13
Jay
He was never single for the last fucking 35 years.
00:06:45:23 - 00:06:48:25
Rances
I've been with my wife longer than I've been without her.
00:06:49:13 - 00:06:50:08
Jay
That's wild.
00:06:50:08 - 00:06:50:15
Moises
That crazy.
00:06:50:15 - 00:07:13:28
Jay
That's amazing. Yeah, I guess. Mo, this is more something that you could probably too. But, you know, like, I think with what Rances was saying, it's like we're so conditions like the guys always want and stuff like that and like the girls don't know how to deal with girls don't deal with rejection often that when you would reject sex from a girl like what are you gay you don't want vagina.
00:07:13:28 - 00:07:15:25
Jay
It's like. No.
00:07:15:25 - 00:07:27:09
Jay
Like, it's just so funny that that's like the automatic thing. It's like, oh, since you said no, you must be gay, or you just like, you know, I mean, like, are you sure you're straight kind of thing? It's like, that's such a wild thing to say.
00:07:27:27 - 00:07:28:04
Moises
Because.
00:07:28:13 - 00:07:33:23
Jay
She was on the other foot, if you like what you a lesbian like. It's such a funny thing to say to somebody.
00:07:34:03 - 00:07:43:05
Moises
I mean, I guess I understand, like, To Rances’ point there, you know, it's it's not common for for women to actually make the reach. I mean, I think it is more now.
00:07:43:12 - 00:07:43:21
Jay
More now.
00:07:43:21 - 00:07:46:22
Moises
Than it was when we were when we were going.
00:07:46:23 - 00:07:55:26
Jay
It's crazy to say that when we were younger. Yeah, but but sexuality, the whole like spectrum of sexuality has changed, has shifted.
00:07:55:26 - 00:07:56:06
Moises
Yeah.
00:07:56:06 - 00:07:59:12
Jay
And then since we were young and stuff like that.
00:07:59:23 - 00:08:11:08
Moises
But I can understand why women would, would say something, something like that, like they're not used to that in that sense. They take it personally, you know, it's like the defense. Yeah, it's a defense mechanism. Yeah. Yeah, you.
00:08:11:08 - 00:08:27:09
Jay
Know it, I think it also goes back to the thing of when, um, just the whole role, it's like guys always want it. That's all guys want. That's the only thing, you know. And it goes back to like what you said. So it's actually just like to be held, believe it or not, which is surprising, I guess.
00:08:27:29 - 00:08:28:02
Moises
Well.
00:08:28:15 - 00:08:54:07
Moises
There's an interesting statistic now out there saying that while people in general are having less sex than ever, and men, more specifically young men, it's like a crazy number I can't even remember. It's like one out of every seven men really. Like, yeah. Are like, don't have sex within a year like like that crazy.
00:08:54:07 - 00:09:10:26
Jay
No. Did they do they give any like reasons why? Because like I could, I could think of a few things aside from like the pandemic and just like I think with everything being digital and stuff like that, I think people are they don't know how to talk to people in person a lot.
00:09:10:27 - 00:09:32:27
Moises
Yeah, I think a lot of that, I think there's many variables that matter. One is the idea of and I think Rances and I spoke about this like the way that that men know how to kind of be emotional, go after something is being physical. And I think that has a lot to do with it. I don't think men are as physical nowadays.
00:09:32:27 - 00:10:06:09
Moises
So like you go walk through this like go walk through New York City, most men are not in shape. You know, they're not they're not training. They're not doing any of these things. So then what do you do when you live that type of lifestyle? You're at home, you're you're on the screen and when porn is literally a click away, it's easier to do that than to, you know, make yourself attractive again and, you know, be in shape and want to go out and put yourself out there and feel confident about yourself.
00:10:06:18 - 00:10:09:18
Moises
I think that has a big role to play with it now, too.
00:10:09:18 - 00:10:22:00
Rances
I wonder how much because I've heard a lot of things come out talking about testosterone levels have been dropping in men. So I wonder how much that has that kind of impact as well. You know.
00:10:23:09 - 00:10:26:08
Moises
I mean, that's probably another variable to stack on top of it.
00:10:27:03 - 00:10:28:05
Jay
Yeah.
00:10:28:05 - 00:10:48:23
Moises
Like there's so many things and it kind of goes back to like why men would want sex. I think that that kind of shift that that's kind of been happening in in society is like women are becoming more independent and they're becoming, um, what's the word? Can't think about it.
00:10:48:25 - 00:10:50:12
Jay
They're thinking that themselves.
00:10:50:15 - 00:11:15:17
Moises
No, no. Well, yeah, but there is like a feminist movement and they're, they're, they're becoming more open minded about their, their sexuality, which is, which is great. But I think sometimes that might scare men to write, especially a man that doesn't understand that or doesn't have the emotional intelligence to understand, like, oh, there's a woman that is now expressing their their sexual.
00:11:15:23 - 00:11:18:05
Jay
Girls have needs too? Yeah, crazy.
00:11:18:05 - 00:11:30:03
Moises
That fucking scares men, right? Because I can only imagine the man that hasn't had experiences. And then you see a woman that's so open and free about all her experiences, and he goes.
00:11:30:03 - 00:11:33:06
Moises
Like, Oh, that, that. Scares the shit out of me. I don't want to do that.
00:11:33:19 - 00:11:48:20
Rances
So what you're saying is the biases that men have are getting kind of affronted with the word confronted, rather with the kind of awakening of women?
00:11:49:10 - 00:11:55:24
Moises
Absolutely. I think that's part of it. And that's why you see these like these MAGA guys, like these super far right...
00:11:55:24 - 00:12:03:18
Jay
Oh, yeah like the incel Dudes who are the super into what his face, the dude that got arrested.
00:12:03:19 - 00:12:04:13
Moises
Andrew Tate.
00:12:04:18 - 00:12:05:13
Jay
Yeah.
00:12:05:13 - 00:12:06:23
Moises
They're doing those guys.
00:12:06:28 - 00:12:07:13
Jay
Stuff.
00:12:07:13 - 00:12:08:08
Moises
Yeah, yeah.
00:12:08:16 - 00:12:28:20
Jay
Yeah. It's such a weird, it's such a weird thing. Um, for that like social construct, I think of where it's like, these dudes are like, Oh, you're supposed to be a lady. And it's like, Well, what do you bring to the table budy? Like, what do you like? Also, who are you to say who you know how ladies should be?
00:12:29:05 - 00:12:30:11
Jay
It's just a weird thing.
00:12:30:19 - 00:12:57:15
Moises
But his target demographic are those kids. Those kids? Yeah. Yeah. Don't necessarily. Yeah, they don't necessarily fit that typical kind of like man or that definition of a man that I feel like he comes from the boomer generation and boomer generation kind of definition of a man. And I think that's that's what you see now is that a lot of these young kids don't really know.
00:12:57:15 - 00:13:06:00
Moises
They never had these experiences. And then you have the women who are becoming super liberal and open about their their sexuality. And then you.
00:13:06:15 - 00:13:07:27
Rances
Just have two.
00:13:08:01 - 00:13:14:26
Moises
Different biases confronting each other. And that's really hard for a lot of men to deal with.
00:13:14:26 - 00:13:53:18
Rances
I just wanted to share something before. This ends up sounding like too much of a bro podcast. Oh, I was, you know, the whole idea of, like, biases and how how kind of because really we learned about, like, what women's desires are and all this stuff from society and TV and all that stuff. And to me, with my wife, like, again, we've been together for so long that we since 16 years old, we got to see a lot of our own development.
00:13:53:18 - 00:14:15:03
Rances
But also then having kids and learning about like our kids development from a whole different perspective. Like, you know, I have a son and it's like, you know, I teach my wife all about my son and his parts and and he's like, Yeah, he's taking a super long shower. Yeah, he's exploring, you know, like all this stuff, right.
00:14:15:14 - 00:14:41:16
Rances
But where has been like going back to the whole biases thing or has been negative or an awakening for me is like learning from from my wife about like the women's experience. Whereas like there's, there's in what I've seen, there's a lot of like sexual suppression, but that doesn't mean that there's not that same kind of sexual level like my wife told me one time.
00:14:41:16 - 00:15:09:04
Rances
Like she was like, I forget, like five years old or something like that. And she remember being aroused and like, you know, exploring down there. And to me, I was shocked. I was like, I know like girls had a same like reaction, curiosity and so on, so forth. And it's like, how, how could I not know that? Like, once I bring it out to the surface and I think about it is like.
00:15:09:18 - 00:15:10:12
Rances
Duh, like.
00:15:10:28 - 00:15:21:19
Jay
Right, don't you feel fucking silly? Like, I'm like, yeah, fucking dumb. Am I to think that like, girls don't have the same feelings that fucking boys do? They're human. It's just human. It's human nature.
00:15:21:28 - 00:15:45:00
Rances
Exactly what these bases are. So deep that they like, they they they mask our worldview, right? And we just act from these, like, worldviews, like, automatically and then, you know, leap forward into, like, these ideas of, like, you guys talking about Andrew Tate and all that stuff. Like it's, it all comes from that, from these like, archetypes. And then there's like, oh, these archetypes.
00:15:45:00 - 00:15:54:07
Rances
Yeah, this the only way. And then it just until you start blurting it out and you sound like an idiot, but you have a bunch of people blurting it out with you and like, this must be reality, you know? Yeah.
00:15:54:27 - 00:16:26:11
Jay
That's perfect. Yeah, that's exactly it. It's such a weird it's such a weird social dynamic. That's always I guess it's always been there in one way or another. But I think it's awesome to see ladies kind of like reclaiming, you know, and changing the views on, on sexuality and just womanhood in general. Um, because we're dumb and like, you just say, like, it's so funny how, how, how arrogant, I guess we can be to think that, you know, like, girls think like that.
00:16:26:24 - 00:16:31:01
Jay
Girls don't have those feelings, you know, they're ladies. And it's like, but you get that.
00:16:31:18 - 00:16:49:12
Moises
You get also argue the same thing for men. It's like how you know that, general Yeah. Yeah. Women. Women think men all want is this like kind of sexual experience in but going back to Rances his point is like this idea of intimacy and then also what intimacy looks like on the spectrum. Like it's not just, you know, sexual intercourse.
00:16:49:13 - 00:16:52:03
Moises
It's a whole bunch of other things, too. Yeah, right.
00:16:52:26 - 00:16:56:10
Jay
That's. And I think that's also interesting. Oh, sorry. Continue.
00:16:57:10 - 00:17:21:14
Rances
Now, I was going to going to go along with that because I think that is a very interesting topic when it comes to men specifically in the sense of like, you know, Mo and I we’re coaches. We explored the kind of mindset of people, the the emotional level of people from the physiology standpoint. And what we see often enough.
00:17:21:14 - 00:17:50:07
Rances
And then not just with men, women often, but quite systematically with men, is that men aren't in tune with understanding their physiology and receiving those signals and and being able to understand what these things are, because they're there's so much about being a man. They get suppressed, right? You have to suppress these reactions, so and so forth. So when we're working with men, we have to kind of dig in and get them to experience and they start connecting with them.
00:17:50:07 - 00:18:14:20
Rances
So with all of that being said, what I believe tends to happen is that sex has taken that label of like all men who just want sex because it's the only outreach that's acceptable to be intimate, to feel connected. So then it's like I, I like you said Jay before, I want to, I want to be cut off and be held.
00:18:15:18 - 00:18:17:21
Rances
I don't know how to do that. So I want sex.
00:18:17:21 - 00:18:19:11
Jay
That's yeah.
00:18:19:11 - 00:18:34:22
Rances
Yeah. Just what it means. Like, I need sex. And I think that's a that's a very interesting thing that goes into that, that emotional intelligence, right. Where I feel like men now are are kind of raising more because it's become.
00:18:35:04 - 00:18:38:29
Rances
Like a force. Yeah.
00:18:39:17 - 00:18:54:22
Rances
In a movement about like mental health men's health specifically that is like you need to learn how to connect and learn how to connect not just with the opposite sex but with other men in a like. Yeah. Connection level.
00:18:54:27 - 00:19:00:18
Jay
Yeah. You know, it's not okay to tell your friends I love you, I love you guys, you know?
00:19:01:05 - 00:19:03:02
Rances
And we end every podcast here with I love you.
00:19:03:02 - 00:19:20:09
Jay
Yeah, yeah. You know, um, but it's, it's so funny. I think it's another thing like, like when you hear guys say something like, Oh, pause. And I'm like, Oh, shit, I feel like it makes it, it makes whatever they're saying even more gay, that they have to be like, Oh, wait, wait, i ate a hot dog, pause, time out. Don't think that.
00:19:20:18 - 00:19:26:15
Jay
Don't take that in a sexual way. It's like you ate a hot dog, buddy. I'm going to make fun of you regardless. Mostly because you ate a Hot Dog.
00:19:26:15 - 00:19:26:18
Rances
Moises?
00:19:26:18 - 00:19:52:24
Moises
But I mean, yeah, I think I. I used to be that guy. Well, you know, I was thinking about this, and it all goes back to how how you learned about sex. Yeah, and I think it depends on your clothes. Like Jay i, i don't think I ever told you this, but a lot of my, like, initial experiences in terms of, like, knowledge of sex came from Jay
00:19:52:24 - 00:19:54:28
Jay
Huh.
00:19:54:28 - 00:19:57:25
Rances
“My first sexual experience came from Jay.” I thought that's where that sentence was going.
00:19:57:27 - 00:20:24:14
Moises
No,The way that I no, like the knowledge that I received came from Jay in the sense that he would talk about his experiences. Right? Because he was more like his father. Like my father. If you look at my father, my father's like doesn't really talk. He's not vuln... He wasn't vulnerable, at least in that time. The days that anything would come out, that man's mouth, right.
00:20:24:14 - 00:20:35:13
Moises
And he would talk about things. And Jay was very similar, right? So when Jay had, you know, experiences and he was the first one that he talked to about, it was me. Right?
00:20:35:23 - 00:20:41:22
Moises
So a lot of what I thought about sex started with Jay, right? Like it came from.
00:20:42:08 - 00:20:43:02
Jay
Not sure if thats a good thing or a bad thing.
00:20:44:09 - 00:21:03:18
Moises
Well. You know, what's interesting is that I went to therapy for for sexual performance anxiety and I did an episode way back. If you look at episode, I think it was like episode four or five on this on this channel. You can hear the full story. I went to therapy and like, I spoke to my therapist about you.
00:21:03:18 - 00:21:03:24
Jay
Yeah.
00:21:03:24 - 00:21:24:26
Moises
And it's like, that was like my first initial kind of understanding of sex, because in my family, like, my, my grandparents were very religious, right? So, like, in my family, sex was bad. Yeah, no sex was was associated with fear. Right? But then I had my best friend, my brother at that time who would talk about sex like it was this amazing thing.
00:21:24:26 - 00:21:43:05
Moises
And I was like, Wait, what's the right thing? You know? So I, you know, like, I grew up with this idea of sex that was incorrect. And I'm sure I'm not the only one out there, like, a lot of good a lot of men. That's why you hear like, oh, pause. Right? Why? Because a lot of these people have religious backgrounds.
00:21:43:20 - 00:21:49:25
Moises
And to do something homosexual is that's where like the binary root of all of that starts. Its a cultural thing...
00:21:50:20 - 00:21:51:03
Jay
Yeah.
00:21:51:08 - 00:21:59:25
Jay
So that's also also it's a whole other thing. Yeah. Like questioning like your manhood because you know of your sexual, because your sexuality and all that weird stuff.
00:22:00:06 - 00:22:02:01
Moises
But where's the idea of manhood come from?
00:22:03:08 - 00:22:06:11
Jay
Some person, some guy, some guy who wrote a book.
00:22:06:11 - 00:22:09:19
Moises
Yeah. Some guy wrote a fucking book and that's.
00:22:09:23 - 00:22:19:08
Moises
That's where I think it all stems. But it was just an interesting story because I know Rances called me out on the pause thing and I was like, Well, you know, I thought about it and I was like.
00:22:20:01 - 00:22:20:19
Jay
Well, that's all.
00:22:20:25 - 00:22:24:22
Moises
My initial ideas of sex came from Jay's stories.
00:22:25:02 - 00:22:35:25
Jay
Yeah, but that's also like when when like you would say pause and stuff like that. Like, I always made a have. It's like always like grab your butt and put my head in your back pocket and stuff like that. When we go out, I like I try to make Mo feel as uncomfortable as.
00:22:36:03 - 00:22:40:15
Moises
Jay started doing that as he got older yeah yeah yeah he started to relinquish.
00:22:40:28 - 00:22:41:08
Jay
The.
00:22:41:09 - 00:22:42:28
Rances
By the time he got to me, he was like (shrug)
00:22:44:01 - 00:23:12:00
Jay
Pretty much. Yeah, there's nothing you can't Phase Mo anymore. There's nothing that you can do that can phase that kid anymore because. Yeah, because that whole thing is like, it's, it's more funny than it is anything else. And I think that if people just embraced the funniness of just anything or just browing out with, with your friends and, and not putting labels on shit, it's it's ok if you like to put a finger in your butt fine, its fine.
00:23:13:06 - 00:23:13:15
Speaker 2
Is.
00:23:13:24 - 00:23:14:21
Jay
Always going to judge you.
00:23:17:16 - 00:23:39:27
Rances
And I was going to talk about is like because it was interesting Mo you talk about like, you know, your parents and their structure. I want to hear a little bit about Jay's and with my family like it's interesting. So number one, I'm Dominican, right? So yeah there's there's a strong when it comes to men, there's a strong like sexual culture with Dominicans.
00:23:39:27 - 00:24:04:06
Rances
Right. So to give you the example of that, there was this like unwritten rule in my house that I had to lose my virginity by 13. Okay. So and it was unwritten until it was said like my brother shut it and I was like, I knew it. So like my dad lost his virginity at like 15 and my brother lost his virginity at 14.
00:24:04:25 - 00:24:11:14
Rances
And then so I was expected to lose my virginity by 13. It was like this weird thing and there was never...
00:24:11:14 - 00:24:11:24
Jay
That's so dominican...
00:24:12:06 - 00:24:27:27
Rances
Yeah, it was never like really said. And then one day my brother was like, yo, 13, did you, you know, you got a, you got a record to keep. And I was like. I'm not making that shit up.
00:24:27:27 - 00:24:32:22
Rances
And my dad would be like, Oh, Chuli you know? So. You know, just like, what the hell?
00:24:33:27 - 00:24:45:05
Rances
So, like, the whole flipside of, of that, like, sex is bad type of thing that you were talking about more like it was a really like peer pressure level.
00:24:45:12 - 00:24:46:08
Jay
To actually do it.
00:24:46:22 - 00:25:09:19
Rances
Yeah. To have sex. And to me like, you know, I have, I have two brothers, right. Who? My one brother is five years older than me and my other brother is 11 years old, so much older. And my the one brother is five years older than me, who our rooms were right next to each other in the basement.
00:25:10:05 - 00:25:14:29
Rances
Okay. You know, if you guys get where this is going, he would have a lot of guests.
00:25:14:29 - 00:25:16:07
Jay
Yeah, you heard all right.
00:25:17:00 - 00:25:35:27
Rances
Yes. Yeah. And, you know, like there was also. No, no, kind of like you were talking about with Jay, like, there was no like we didn't talk about that. Like, it was something to talk about, to brag about type thing. But then with my sister was very different. Different whole perspective girls.
00:25:35:27 - 00:25:38:23
Jay
Yeah, it girls is different. They're supposed to be nuns essentially.
00:25:40:00 - 00:26:14:03
Rances
So like for me and again, me and Paola have been together for so long when Paola and I got together, Paola was raised from that religious side from like the girl side and all of that stuff. And that's where our relationship, like the foundation of our relationship was, where was we can have these conversations, these intimate conversation, and really find these beliefs that were established on her and kind of break them down like with her, like explore them and see where they coming from.
00:26:14:18 - 00:26:43:06
Rances
And I honestly believe that that's the only reason our relationship is what it is, because of that foundation of really dismembering those beliefs. Yeah, because, you know, there were a lot of like negative ideas and thoughts about sex, right. And like to the point where there was repression with my wife and then in in in which you allow herself to feel.
00:26:43:06 - 00:27:07:03
Rances
So once we got over like that and really got intimate in that way, like, you know, when I when I say intimate, I mean from that emotional level of like the safety, the exploration and the knowledge even back then, like I used to read so much like about sex and all types of things, but like I used to back then.
00:27:07:03 - 00:27:26:13
Rances
So for younger people, websites were would be, would have like forums, right? Where it's like Reddit basically. But within each websites there was like this website called Sex 101 Right. And you had these forums and talk about all these things, which was a great experience because it was like it was all doctors on it.
00:27:27:04 - 00:27:27:27
Jay
Oh, really?
00:27:28:03 - 00:27:56:20
Rances
Yeah. It was all doctor like that. Were the moderators. So they would give real information, not like just porn stuff. Yeah. So, like, I used to research a lot. So with that I was able to, you know, share with Paola, she would go on the forums and so on, so forth. But that foundation established for us to really be open and free with each other and explore each other's bodies, each other sexually in all types of ways without like any of those taboos.
00:27:56:20 - 00:28:01:19
Rances
Because I think those taboos, like I said before, like they suppress.
00:28:01:19 - 00:28:02:07
Jay
Oh yeah.
00:28:03:14 - 00:28:11:29
Rances
You being able to orgasm. Like when I heard that like a big percentage of women never experienced orgasms, I was. Like, What the hell.
00:28:12:00 - 00:28:13:02
Jay
That’s insane, Right.
00:28:13:06 - 00:28:18:24
Rances
That's insane. Yeah. You know, and I think it's that I think it's very emotional suppression.
00:28:18:24 - 00:28:38:25
Jay
It is. It is. It is. Um, but going back to how I was raised, like most that my parents are open, you know, they're like, not a lot of your sex is great where condom, you know, don't, don't bring a child into this life because you're a child and you could barely wipe your own ass. So what makes you think you can wipe another kids kind of thing?
00:28:39:11 - 00:28:42:02
Moises
Um, they gave him a bag of condoms.
00:28:42:09 - 00:28:43:20
Jay
my mom's
00:28:43:20 - 00:28:43:22
Moises
it was a huge bag of Condoms.
00:28:43:22 - 00:28:51:06
Jay
Yeah. My mom chased you when you went to prom. She chased you out the house with. With a stack of condoms?
00:28:51:06 - 00:28:52:19
Moises
Yeah.
00:28:52:19 - 00:28:53:28
Jay
She’s Dominican. Be careful!
00:28:53:28 - 00:28:57:16
Moises
that was my experience with Jay’s mom
00:28:57:16 - 00:29:23:04
Jay
That was literally the line. Um, but yeah I always had a, there were always, you know, pretty open about sex and stuff like that. It was never like, oh, you better not be having sex kind of thing. Um, but I will say being an only child and having a lot of like alone time to myself gave me and in the rise of the internet and stuff like that, I think it gave me a view into like, what sex is that?
00:29:23:04 - 00:29:43:05
Jay
Is it realistic? You know, it's like when I first started having sex, I was like, Oh, it's supposed to like fucking pound this chair kind of thing. And then, you know, as you and as you get older, you're like, What was I doing when I was like, Jack, rabbiting. Like when I was a well, I was like, in this fucking sprint like why? You know?
00:29:44:00 - 00:30:06:06
Jay
So I apologized to, like, girls I had sex with from like 16 to 23, like, it wasn’t great? I was figuring it out. I'm sorry. Yeah, um, it, it was also one of those things, like, I always hung out with my older cousins and stuff like that. So like my cousin Felix, my cousin Rob, they're all seven years older than me.
00:30:06:18 - 00:30:24:02
Jay
So kind of like with your situation is where it's like you got like a up close view of it. It's like my cousin Felix would take me to parties with him. He showed me my first pair of boobies when I was like 13 years old at a house party kind of thing. Um, and he would just always have girls come over and stuff like that.
00:30:24:02 - 00:30:48:15
Jay
And I'm like, Oh, they're going to go have sex in the other room, and I'm going to sit here, play with my toys, and wait till it's done so he could take me to McDonald's like that was, you know, um, so yeah, I had a also also, but way before that, when my grandpa was still around, when I was younger, when my, he would let me watch Playboy with him at night while he would eat his ice cream and stuff like that.
00:30:48:15 - 00:31:11:03
Jay
But this is back before Playboy had like any sex scenes. It was just like centerfold models and stuff like that. So like at a young age, I was like probably like six or seven, but he's like, those are cool, right? I'm like, Yep, boobies are cool. This is great, Pops. So I had a yeah, I had a run in with, with, with Playboy and movies and stuff like that at a young age kind of thing.
00:31:12:03 - 00:31:13:01
Jay
Thank you, Grandpa.
00:31:14:13 - 00:31:28:24
Rances
That's, that's similar like again, my brothers, you know, my brother is 11 years older than me. He had a cassette stack next to his TV home and the magazines and everything.
00:31:28:24 - 00:31:30:03
Speaker 2
Like, yeah, it was like.
00:31:30:29 - 00:31:33:12
Rances
I was, like, jaded by it. By Oh.
00:31:33:12 - 00:31:33:19
Jay
Yeah.
00:31:33:20 - 00:31:34:20
Rances
by Ten.
00:31:35:09 - 00:31:45:24
Jay
No, like, I think in like seventh, I think it was like sixth or seventh grade. I found my dad's stash and this is back when it was like VHS tapes and stuff like that. And my eyesight got significantly worse that summer.
00:31:47:24 - 00:32:07:02
Jay
Because, like, I went to. Work. You know, if there was a shortage of tissues in Bergen County, it was probably because of me. My dad would be like, Oh, man, happy tissues huh? you’s just The happiest kid right fucking know because Jesus Christ, Jesus, go through tissues in this house.
00:32:07:02 - 00:32:07:14
Jay
Yeah.
00:32:09:08 - 00:32:17:11
Jay
Yeah. It was bad. It still is that he still if you just say happy tissues to my dad, he's like that fucking kid, man. He just would not stop.
00:32:17:11 - 00:32:22:00
Jay
You know who else.
00:32:22:00 - 00:32:23:25
Jay
gonna love you except for yourself, God dammit.
00:32:24:06 - 00:32:36:06
Rances
Okay, that's so interesting. It's like, again, I told you, like, from my father's side, like, the expectation of all that. But on the flip side, like, doing that is like, Oh, no, you don't do that.
00:32:36:25 - 00:32:39:26
Jay
Yeah, that's the system. It's the guilt you jerk off.
00:32:41:03 - 00:32:41:13
Jay
No.
00:32:42:12 - 00:32:45:24
Jay
That's a devil's work.
00:32:45:24 - 00:32:56:02
Rances
My dad found a cassette I had borrowed from my brother once in my room, and I was curious to see how I was going to react. And he walked in the room. He's like, What is this?
00:32:56:21 - 00:32:57:10
Rances
What is this?
00:32:57:23 - 00:33:00:19
Rances
And I was like, Are you going to be cool with this?
00:33:00:19 - 00:33:02:22
Rances
Or he was like, No, no.
00:33:02:22 - 00:33:08:23
Rances
And he smashed on his knee, ripped it apart and is like, but he didn't say any words. he was just like.
00:33:08:23 - 00:33:09:27
Rances
No.
00:33:10:12 - 00:33:12:25
Rances
broke it and stormed out.
00:33:13:02 - 00:33:13:21
Jay
And walked off.
00:33:13:27 - 00:33:16:09
Rances
It was like, Yeah, okay.
00:33:16:09 - 00:33:25:18
Jay
So my dad, my dad conversation me that you could at least rewind it to the part where I left it off at some courtesy. Jesus Christ.
00:33:27:13 - 00:33:27:24
Moises
that sounds like some shit your dad would say.
00:33:27:24 - 00:33:51:29
Jay
because it's word for word what he said. If you're going to take it, at least rewind it back. I don't know that you took it and you know. So yeah, that was that was that was life in the Moreno household. And there was a knock rule, everybody knew to knock on my door because nobody wanted that awkward.
00:33:51:29 - 00:34:00:20
Rances
So Mo in your household. Yeah. In your household like so sex wasn't talked about at all or like no.
00:34:01:01 - 00:34:23:01
Moises
It wasn't, it wasn't talked about at all. Like the, my, my experience was sex again. Like I said, like I first started to learn about it. I remember I think it was like seventh grade or sixth grade. People were talking about jerking off. I had no idea what it was. I had no fucking idea what it was. The way that I found out about it was by accident.
00:34:24:09 - 00:34:31:02
Moises
I was like, on the floor watching some TV. I saw a girl and I was like, naturally humping the floor. And then I thought I broke my dick.
00:34:32:17 - 00:34:33:16
Moises
That was my
00:34:33:16 - 00:34:34:27
Jay
Its leaking everywhere. He won't stop.
00:34:35:04 - 00:34:52:03
Moises
I got Scared. I like I literally got scared. I thought that something was wrong with me and it was right before a baseball game. I remember it was right before I had a baseball. And I was I was like 12, 13 years old. And I was like, what just happened? And then I was like, Oh, this is what they were talking about, you know?
00:34:52:17 - 00:35:10:12
Moises
And that's what it day, you know, it was talking about these things. But my parents never, never spoke to me about it. And the thing was, there wasn't much like privacy in my house at that time, like cause we lived in a small house and there were two women. My sister was always in my room with me. Right, because she was we shared a room.
00:35:10:26 - 00:35:20:18
Moises
So like, I grew up this way not knowing about these things. So like as I got older and, you know, started hanging out with Jay, they started to understand, like
00:35:20:18 - 00:35:21:16
Jay
Don’t blame This on me. I don't.
00:35:21:16 - 00:35:22:20
Moises
No
00:35:22:20 - 00:35:24:16
Moises
I have a question.
00:35:24:16 - 00:35:25:16
Moises
No, I’m not blaming my masturbation on you.
00:35:25:17 - 00:35:27:19
Jay
I did not jerk him off.
00:35:27:19 - 00:35:29:12
Rances
I have a question Mo
00:35:29:12 - 00:35:30:15
Moises
Yeah.
00:35:30:15 - 00:35:39:03
Rances
So, like, it was not talked about by like it wasn't, it wasn't implicated as a negative thing either. Like it wasin’t talked about in that sense.
00:35:39:17 - 00:36:01:16
Moises
It wasn't like they didn't shame me about it. I wouldn't say that they shamed me about it, but I would say that they kind of warned me of the consequences of it. So they would they would warn, they would talk about the negative aspects that could happen, like getting a woman pregnant. Like that was a big fear of mine that stopped me from my wanting to have sex with women at a younger age.
00:36:01:18 - 00:36:19:10
Moises
Right. Like I didn't want to be the do that. Got a girl pregnant like 15 or 16 years old the other side of this was like the religious side, right? Like my dad was a little bit more kind of liberal about it in the sense of like, you find somebody that you really care about, you do it with, right?
00:36:19:12 - 00:36:37:14
Moises
Like as I got older, but like my grandfather, my grandparents and you know, my mom really didn't talk to me about any of this stuff, but my grandparents were like, you know, the Bible says this, this and this and, you know, but my grandfather was like a little playboy when he was he was younger, if you know how.
00:36:37:14 - 00:36:38:05
Jay
it’s funny how that works, right?
00:36:38:15 - 00:36:45:05
Moises
Yeah. Like my grandfather was just a little like he was known to be like a, you know.
00:36:45:07 - 00:36:45:16
Moises
Just.
00:36:46:15 - 00:36:56:13
Moises
A good looking guy and just get mad girls like he was just that like that guy. But for me, it was different, you know? So it was interesting growing up.
00:36:59:12 - 00:37:15:07
Rances
Because I remember like for me, I would, I remember like being like eight years old and having a conversation with my mom. My mom was very open about it. She was like, Oh yeah. Or I'd be like, Mom. And my at the age I start producing, I remember I used to call it that.
00:37:15:20 - 00:37:15:22
Rances
And.
00:37:15:25 - 00:37:39:28
Rances
I start producing is like, Well, you can tell if you ever had anything come out your little head. And she was like very like medical, but like she didn’t hold back any information and also like in my house and kind of see the system like my house, like my parents would be walking around naked. I didn't care. Like it was like not a taboo.
00:37:40:21 - 00:38:00:29
Moises
I will say this, I think I think one of the things that's pretty interesting about you guys is that if you look at your parent dynamic, like they're still together. That was a really big thing. My parents separated when I was like eight or nine years old when we I moved to Florida and then we moved back. They got back together and then they divorced at 12.
00:38:02:06 - 00:38:06:22
Moises
So my idea, a relationship and intimacy and all of that.
00:38:07:14 - 00:38:19:17
Moises
Was. That experience, was that whole thing, right? So that I think that's why they never really talk to me about it was because there was no space for that at that time.
00:38:19:17 - 00:38:30:18
Rances
Yeah. And also they probably were where in their own shit like yeah. You know, going through their own struggles and probably themselves was sex was the last thing.
00:38:31:04 - 00:38:53:05
Moises
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's what I think was. So that's, that's where I see some of the differences. So like, again, my learning experience was later in life, like I didn't lose my virginity cause I was like 18 years old, so. And then when I went to college and I was like, oh, wow, okay, these, all these beliefs or just beliefs and start deconstructing them and then have more experiences and.
00:38:53:05 - 00:38:55:01
Moises
Stuff like that. Then,
00:38:55:01 - 00:39:11:00
Jay
you Know, I'll say this much. When I moved to the downstairs part of the house, my room was directly underneath my parents room. Very awkward, very awkward.
00:39:11:00 - 00:39:19:19
Jay
Lot of times I was like, Oh, wait, we're oh, man, we're both doing it right now. This is weird. I'm going to stop.
00:39:19:19 - 00:39:21:10
Rances
Oh, God, yeah.
00:39:21:25 - 00:39:23:09
Jay
Yeah, yeah.
00:39:24:01 - 00:39:36:01
Rances
Yeah. All right, so before before we close out, since you hit that point, I'll share this. One night, my son woke up and he's saying.
00:39:36:02 - 00:39:37:19
Rances
Mommy, are you okay?
00:39:38:07 - 00:39:40:25
Rances
I said she's fine. Go to sleep.
00:39:41:12 - 00:39:52:18
Rances
So what was what was Mommy making those noises. Mommy. is Mommy Okay?
00:39:52:18 - 00:40:08:08
Rances
And I'm kind of like Jay's parents in the sense, like we were having sex. Logan, go back to sleep. But apparently this was not a good thing because Logan then had a freak out the next day in school.
00:40:08:08 - 00:40:10:21
Jay
my parents have so much sex. I can't sleep.
00:40:11:25 - 00:40:20:21
Rances
No. Here's what I learned because I had had conversations with my kids about, like, sex is and so on, so forth.
00:40:20:26 - 00:40:21:05
Jay
Yeah.
00:40:21:18 - 00:40:47:05
Rances
But one time I was having a conversation with them about like their safety of their body safety and stuff like that and, and, you know, talked about like if someone tries to take advantage of them and so on, so forth and things like that. So my son somehow took that and took it like, okay, sex is an evil thing that mean bad people do.
00:40:47:05 - 00:41:08:03
Rances
And this is how he put it in his mind. So then when he hears us having sex, he had a freak out because he was like my parents are evil. Like, so we had to have like we had to go pick them up from school because the nurses, like, we don't know what's going on with them. He's just crying on the floor and he won't talk to anybody.
00:41:08:08 - 00:41:10:02
Rances
So we went to pick them up and who they.
00:41:10:02 - 00:41:11:18
Rances
Were because what happened, I was.
00:41:11:19 - 00:41:25:06
Rances
Like, Oh, couldn't even say the word sex in front of them. We were like, Dude, what the fuck? So we had to had this whole, like, breakdown of this experience. So yeah, they can go either way.
00:41:25:21 - 00:41:26:04
Jay
Yeah.
00:41:26:07 - 00:41:26:24
Rances
And on that.
00:41:26:24 - 00:41:50:06
Jay
Note, that note, guys, that is episode 69 of Mindset U just kick my computer. Sorry about that. Don't forget to like subscribe and find us anywhere you want where you can find our podcast, which is what? Apple Podcasts. Google Podcasts, Spotify, you can find us on iTunes or is it helpful thing? Is that a thing?
00:41:50:06 - 00:41:52:02
Rances
So Apple Podcasts or.
00:41:52:03 - 00:41:53:00
Moises
Apple Music.
00:41:53:01 - 00:42:01:15
Jay
They Apple Podcasts, Apple Music and on YouTube and VidaProject.com Um, I think this is actually fun.
00:42:02:26 - 00:42:03:24
Rances
So when you.
00:42:03:25 - 00:42:03:28
Jay
Are.
00:42:04:01 - 00:42:11:19
Rances
If you ever want to watch the videos you can on Spotify, you can either listen or watch the videos. Yeah, that's the cool thing about Spotify.
00:42:12:19 - 00:42:23:05
Jay
Um, but yeah, love you guys. This was fun. I learned a lot. I learned a lot about each other.
00:42:23:05 - 00:42:23:13
Moises
Yeah.
00:42:23:21 - 00:42:24:09
Rances
It was fun.
00:42:24:22 - 00:42:25:03
Moises
Yeah.
00:42:25:21 - 00:42:30:02
Jay
And, uh, that's it. Until next time, um, it won't be about sex.
00:42:30:14 - 00:42:41:19
Jay
I or Maybe it will. I don't know. Maybe we're a sex podcast for now. That's it. There's a good talk about funny times, and, um. Yeah, that's it, guys.
00:42:41:19 - 00:42:49:23
Rances
Yeah. By the way, comment. Comment on the on the podcast. Let us know your thoughts. Let us know. Share your stories. Yeah.
00:42:50:04 - 00:43:05:21
Jay
Tell us your first experiences, what it was like growing up with sex. It was in a sex positive household. Is that like the way to say it was the sex positive household or was was everybody? or it was like Footloose. You can even dance.
00:43:05:21 - 00:43:07:12
Moises
your an asshole!
00:43:09:06 - 00:43:11:15
Jay
All right, guys, thank you so much. Love you guys Until then,
00:43:11:15 - 00:43:30:28
Jay
00:43:31:13 - 00:43:46:24
Jay
00:43:46:24 - 00:43:50:25
Jay