20 Years of Love: Find Out What Luck Has to do with It!
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In this episode of the podcast, we're talking about luck. Specifically, how luck plays a role in our relationships and how to cultivate a relationship that is both lucky and durable.
Whether you've been in a relationship for 20 years or just started dating someone new, this podcast is for you. We'll talk about navigating challenges, keeping your relationship feeling lucky and durable, and making the most of your relationships by understanding luck!
0:00 - Intro
0:22 - Is It work, or is it Luck?
2:47 - Making opportunity
4:29 - Built values together
7:44 - Develop your relationship mindset and skills 10:14 - Are we friends?
12:05 - Alignment for the future
12:51 - Bromance
15:15 - Tell us your thoughts
00;00;00;07 - 00;00;31;14
Rances
Welcome to Mindset U, a podcast where we believe in everyone's ability to change. If you enjoy our content, please comment. Share. Subscribe. Today's episode My wife and I share the stories of our 20 year relationship, and we get into the discussion with the guys about like how much luck plays into a relationship. What tends to happen with us because of our relationship, we've been in a strong relationship for a long time.
00;00;32;00 - 00;00;47;07
Rances
Our friends and a lot of I would say a lot of the girlfriends immediately like lean into like you guys give me advice or specifically like, Paola give me advice to, you know, They talk to her and Paola brings me in. And then she's like, I don't give advice.
00;00;47;20 - 00;01;10;04
Paola
I'm going to stop you. They're always like, You're lucky. And I'm like, Shut the fuck up. So that triggers me because luck implies that there's little work on our part, on our part of or you're lucky that you have that Rances is not like that. It's like, fuck, he's a person. I'm a person. And people do what people do.
00;01;10;11 - 00;01;10;22
Paola
00;01;10;22 - 00;01;12;05
Moises
But isn’t there isn't there a component to Luck?
00;01;12;05 - 00;01;12;15
Jason
00;01;14;01 - 00;01;34;29
Paola
Yes, I know there's a lot of work that still goes into this relationship. And that's the part that people think that you arrive at a place that it's like, oh, it's easy. No. Every day I wake up, I choose to take the high road and say how I'm feeling and be vulnerable. Because like they said in the beginning, I'm still changing.
00;01;34;29 - 00;01;56;27
Paola
He's still changing. So there needs to be an actual there's work that needs to be put in. You don't ever stop putting in work the moment you think you know somebody and you stop saying things because you think you know them. It's going to be 20 years. I don't I still don't know. This new man here sitting next to me, every day he wakes up, his mind may change about something.
00;01;57;27 - 00;02;15;12
Paola
Same with me. I wake up and I'm like the things I saw 20 years ago, I don't see them the same way. There was a period of time that I did not care if Rances was sleeping with five other people. He could have. I could care less. Then I had kids and I was like, Hmm I kind’ve need him to stick around.
00;02;15;12 - 00;02;37;22
Paola
Kind of. Now I care now, because if that's going to take him away from being here and helping me raise kids. Yeah, I care, right? I'm getting back to the point of like, maybe I don't care because, like, my kids are older, but things change. And as things change in your life, you need to still continue to know the person that you're trying to share it with.
00;02;38;09 - 00;02;47;07
Paola
So there is there is luck, but there isn't there's work. There's a lot of work because the moment you take it for granted, that's the moment that things start going south.
00;02;47;10 - 00;03;12;29
Moises
I don't think the Luck necessarily dismisses the work. I think that's like it's like the same thing in business. Like there's opportunities that you're going to get. And I'm sure that everybody goes through a relationship or finds relationships. And then, you know, there's these women that find the good guy, right? Or that guy that treated them well, but they couldn't connect to that opportunity because they didn't do the work.
00;03;13;00 - 00;03;34;06
Paola
But that's what I'm saying. They didn't do the work. So what I see, obviously there's opportunities to or people who you're going to go further with because of where they are in their development and where they are in their journey rather than development. Because to me, we're all in a journey. You're going to find someone who's in a different place in their journey.
00;03;34;18 - 00;04;00;08
Paola
And so you might be able to move a lot faster through certain things than with certain people who are like just say just starting to find themselves right. So let's say you start dating a 20 year old and you're like, nothing, no, not a 20 year old, but you still have a lot of maturing to do. So would you be able to have the same depth of conversations with someone with more life experience?
00;04;00;14 - 00;04;24;29
Paola
No, because they haven't had that. But it doesn't discount how deep you can go. So I don't believe that luck plays so much of a role into it of like how you can have a relationship, a successful relationship into it is how how what are your values? It comes down to like finding that person who shares the same values with you.
00;04;25;08 - 00;04;29;20
Paola
And that's it is not luck. That's where that's a you. That's a choice you make.
00;04;30;04 - 00;04;59;26
Rances
So I think to your point, Mo, number one, the the luck aspect where you're you're hearing the response from Paola and from me, from that, for that matter, is that there's a certain level of arrogance in us with regard to how we've built this, right? Where so like we're we're saying that it's, it's not a lot of luck because we've built there.
00;04;59;26 - 00;05;24;02
Rances
We put the energy to it. But there's something that we have to acknowledge, which is we met before those values were fully formed, which allowed us to then build them together and then be more in the same line. So now, 20 years later, we're in alignment where we're we have the same perspective because of so much of the building.
00;05;24;12 - 00;05;39;17
Rances
Like if we were meeting each other now without spending the last 20 years together, we would have completely different branches that we wouldn't need to work even harder towards building together, to finding the common ground. I think there is that element.
00;05;39;22 - 00;05;46;20
Paola
I agree with you. There is there is that of the time has allowed us to grow and fully form those values.
00;05;47;08 - 00;06;03;26
Moises
I mean, I think there is something special to add to your relationship that most people, anybody who's single in their thirties right now, who hasn't had that, they have they have a lot more work to do. Like Jay's parents. I think your parents were they met Young, too?
00;06;04;04 - 00;06;17;07
Jason
Yeah, they were 20. They were in their early twenties, so they know they got married at 23 and then they had me at 27 kind of thing. But it was one of those things. But my mom was like, We're getting married. And usually I guess, I guess we get married.
00;06;17;15 - 00;06;33;14
Moises
But I guess it's also the cultural values, right? They grew up in the same area, in the same neighborhood with the same kind of experiences. All of that matters. And it wasn't like you chose that at 15, 16 years old. It just you met. You were there was an opportunity that presented itself.
00;06;33;14 - 00;06;49;15
Jason
I think that's where the Luck kicks in where it's not it's not that you guys are lucky that in your relationship, I think that luck played a part in the fact that you guys were in the same place at the same time where you guys could have been anywhere else in the world or could have been in different situations, and you somehow found each other.
00;06;49;15 - 00;07;03;03
Jason
And I think that's the luck that people. So when I say I think when I take a look sorry when I take a look, that's what I think. It's just like everything aligned in that day, like Rances could have been out of school that you know what I mean? Like, just all those little things that that's what I think the Luck kicks in.
00;07;03;03 - 00;07;31;02
Moises
Before you speak Rances, I’d like I wanted to to kind of piggyback off of Jay's thing. It's it's not that. It's just statistically impossible, right? Like, what you have is not statistically impossible. It's actually highly probable. Right? There is somebody in your heart that is around you that you probably had the potential to create something to this magnitude of a relationship, but they just weren't aware enough or understood themselves enough to recognize the opportunity.
00;07;31;02 - 00;07;42;14
Moises
Whatever your upbringing was from your parents and the values They instilled in you, somehow, some way you guys were able to recognize that and then put the work in to get to this.
00;07;42;14 - 00;07;42;28
Paola
To make it.
00;07;42;28 - 00;07;43;16
Moises
Work, to make It work.
00;07;43;16 - 00;08;12;09
Rances
I think I think of it like this where because the part of arrogance that I talk about where Paola stated before, where we're both confident that if we were to, you know, go our separate ways, we both have the ability to build a brand new, powerful relationship with someone else. And it goes into that point because the way I see it is like if we were on the beach, right?
00;08;13;08 - 00;08;41;11
Rances
And I wanted to build a sandcastle, if I don't have the skills to build the sandcastle, it doesn't matter where which location on the beach I am. I'm going to suck at building a sandcastle. Once I have the skill set to build a sandcastle, I could be anywhere on that beach and build a sandcastle. Now, if I'm in an area of the beach that has rocks instead of sand, now things started getting more difficult, right?
00;08;41;18 - 00;09;05;19
Rances
So to convert this into what we're talking about with people is like if where we have this skill within ourselves to work on ourselves and build the, the understanding of ourselves, and then from that understanding, make a connection with someone else and help kind of pull that out from them. That's the skills that we've developed in our relationship and from the start we've been sharpening.
00;09;05;28 - 00;09;34;08
Rances
So that's where our confidence comes from. Now the other aspect of that is like the rocks. All right? So if you're dealing with a whole entire environment of people that are have like, for example, a negative belief towards relationship that believe that that marriage is that that or whatever or that you shouldn't be with one person because it's the most boring thing like these like types of views.
00;09;34;08 - 00;10;10;26
Rances
Now you're trying to build a sandcastle with rocks, and that's going to be a lot more challenging. So there's kind of like to me there's that balance is like you have to have that skill within yourself if you're building a strong relationship is not happening. And this is the part about like it's not happening because it's the right person is not happening because no magic reason like that is because you understand yourself, you understand what you desire and you're able to communicate that and you're able to recognize as keep boundaries within the people that you're meeting to match those criteria and decide to move forward is the power of decision making when it comes to
00;10;10;26 - 00;10;11;13
Rances
that point.
00;10;11;18 - 00;10;37;00
Jason
And I think that's fair. I guess my next question would be how much does your friendship play into everything that you just talked about? Because I think that with your partner, I know that some people like, oh, it's like, that's my girlfriend, that's not my friend, that's my boyfriend, that's not my friend. But I'm a firm believer that you have to be best friends with your partner because that I think that friendship is what pushes everything else.
00;10;37;13 - 00;10;55;05
Jason
When the love is exact, when the room, when the romantic love isn't exactly there. That friendship. I feel like it's a is a the biggest foundation that you can have because it's that mutual respect that you have for each other. How much does that play into making your decisions and just how your relationship works in general?
00;10;56;09 - 00;11;28;28
Paola
I mean, that's my best friend. That's been my best friend for the longest of times, and that's the foundation to me of any relationship you have to know. And what is a best friend? Yeah, like what is a best friend? Someone who knows what you're thinking about, wants to know what you're thinking about and how you think and how you view the world and is interested in the ins and outs of you for no gain whatsoever.
00;11;30;03 - 00;11;42;09
Paola
And so I say my best friend, but I have a few of those. I have a few people that I find it's it's a same relationship. It's just they'll give me the D you know.
00;11;42;09 - 00;12;35;01
Rances
And yeah, that's that's where I was going because I have, I have a ton of relationships, like strong relationships. Yeah. That, that I feel like that high level of connection, the, the commitment aspect of ours is that our life is being built together to our, our future has like this, this side by side view. So like our commitment is to that, to staying in alignment where with a friend like Mo and I have a very strong relationship and there's because of our business partnership, it goes more into that like, okay, our future is intertwined, right?
00;12;35;08 - 00;12;49;20
Rances
But there's always that like, okay, but we're not locking each other in into that future. And I feel like Paul and I also have that. But there's a stronger commitment to like, Yeah, but we're going to do more to make sure that that stays in alignment.
00;12;49;29 - 00;12;56;02
Jason
You know, that makes sense. And speaking of Moises, it's like he's my longest relationship I've ever had in my life.
00;12;56;03 - 00;12;58;00
Paola
How long have you guys been friends?
00;12;58;13 - 00;12;59;13
Moises
Since we were nine.
00;12;59;14 - 00;13;01;02
Paola
Yeah. So what is that now?
00;13;01;02 - 00;13;06;03
Jason
That's third grade. I don't know. I think in most of my adult life.
00;13;06;03 - 00;13;08;03
Moises
It's probably going to be, like close to 30 years.
00;13;08;03 - 00;13;08;11
Jason
Yeah.
00;13;08;18 - 00;13;09;03
Paola
Wow.
00;13;09;03 - 00;13;13;13
Jason
He's he's. Yeah, he's my longest friend that I still speak to.
00;13;13;13 - 00;13;14;17
Paola
You guys love each other.
00;13;14;17 - 00;13;32;10
Jason
Yeah, yeah. It's one of those things I feel like we. We love each other so much that we hardly ever talk to each other because it's one of those things that, like, at a day, like, I know he'll be there and vice versa, you know? And, and I feel like the older we get, the more like, you got a Dog now?
00;13;32;26 - 00;13;37;28
Jason
There's so many things, but it's it's it never, it never was like, Oh.
00;13;38;06 - 00;13;41;02
Jason
We don't talk anymore. Like, does he still care about this?
00;13;41;04 - 00;13;43;26
Jason
Like, no, it's a dream. Come on, my best friend. That's my brother.
00;13;43;27 - 00;13;46;27
Paola
Yeah. Like, of course he cares about me. He's fucking busy. That's what.
00;13;47;10 - 00;13;51;15
Jason
We're adults, we have lives. It's a different things. I'm a stoner. He's not.
00;13;51;15 - 00;14;00;25
Jason
Like. I don't like Leaving my house too much, so, like, I get it, I’m not into the salsa scene, he was super into the salsa scene. I tried going to like two of them when I was like, I feel white
00;14;00;25 - 00;14;01;12
Paola
This is not me.
00;14;01;12 - 00;14;13;14
Jason
Soo White. So I was like, so, you know, I think but that's the beauty of friendship in relationship. That's where it's like, I don't we don't have to be up each other's ass.
00;14;13;27 - 00;14;18;18
Paola
There's no doubt of the other person's intention. And that's that's what it is.
00;14;18;21 - 00;14;24;18
Jason
We did that whole thing where we were up each other's Ass for all of our teen years.
00;14;24;20 - 00;14;26;15
Paola
Were you at his house. Like every day.
00;14;26;25 - 00;14;27;15
Jason
He was at my house everyday.
00;14;27;15 - 00;14;28;21
Moises
I was at his house.
00;14;28;27 - 00;14;29;29
Jason
Yeah, yeah.
00;14;29;29 - 00;14;30;17
Paola
Like every Day
00;14;30;17 - 00;14;35;13
Jason
Almost every, almost every day. If I wasn't there, if he wasn't at my house, albeit his house.
00;14;35;13 - 00;14;37;25
Moises
I mean, we were always at his house because he had all the cool shit.
00;14;38;01 - 00;14;38;08
Jason
Yeah.
00;14;38;25 - 00;14;40;10
Paola
Yeah, your the only child i get it.
00;14;40;12 - 00;14;44;21
Moises
And video games and the food and yeah.
00;14;44;21 - 00;14;50;24
Jason
But I also think when it comes down to it, like there's nobody I trust more than him.
00;14;51;28 - 00;14;54;15
Rances
You know, your girl might listen to this.
00;14;54;15 - 00;15;13;06
Jason
Aside from my girl, asside of my lovely future wife. Okay, well, she knows this. She she knows that there's there's like two other male relationships, my heterosexual life mates that she just she's up there, but she's she's not she's not going to be a six foot tall Puerto Rican.
00;15;13;06 - 00;15;15;14
Paola
And she's not 30 years in, so .
00;15;15;14 - 00;15;15;23
Jason
she’s Not.
00;15;16;11 - 00;15;32;21
Jason
Jason here With Mindset U and I just want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for tuning in and watching us every week since Mindset U is taking a different approach. We need your help coming up with new topics of stuff that you want to hear so that we can give you the best quality possible, the best content possible in general.
00;15;33;05 - 00;15;49;07
Jason
It's fun. Come on, help us out. Help us help you. Anyway, you can head over to VidaProject.com watch any of the old episodes and any of the new upcoming episodes are coming. You can also check us out on Instagram and YouTube and anywhere else you could possibly think of that you wants to be. Let us know. We'll be there.
00;15;49;17 - 00;16;19;26
Jason
All right. Thank you so much.