Jaded with Your Career - Career Change Fears: Podcast Pt. 4/5
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In this video, we're continuing our conversation about career change fears. In this episode, we're talking about how to cope with being jaded after absorbing others' trauma. We also talk about how losing health insurance can be scary and how a perspective shift on bad moments can make all the difference.
We share personal anecdotes and stories about how we've learned to cope with the stresses of work and how it can affect our mindset. we also delve into the topic of perspective and how our reality is shaped by how we choose to perceive it. Join the conversation as we explore the power of perspective and how it can help us grow and improve our lives.
If you're feeling overwhelmed by your career, I invite you to listen to this series! It will help you to understand and manage your career challenges. And as always, I hope you find the information in this series helpful and that you can learn to deal with your fears in a healthy way!
0:00 - Intro
0:14 - How Mindset Impacts your trauma absorption
2:44 - The jaded coping mechanism
4:32 - Is Venting Needed?
6:24 - Emotional fire drill
8:01 - Humility is what allows you to learn
9:30 - Good or bad Perspective
14:20 - Tell us your thoughts
00;00;00;01 - 00;00;14;08
Rances
Welcome to Mindset U. On Episode four of Career Change Fears, we discuss how a work experience that has you jaded with reality can be dealt with. Also, listening to the emotional fire drill and how you can use that to improve your reactions.
00;00;14;15 - 00;00;25;23
Jason
I'm always curious with psychologists and therapists and stuff like that who get paid to listen to people's problems. Like what's it like going home and then having to listen to your family's problems? Like what's your tolerance for it?
00;00;25;28 - 00;00;52;22
Rances
So like for me, yeah, and this is why I started noticing this, because I've been talking to a lot of like therapists and psychologists lately. And what I see is the mindset of that person has a big impact. So for me, my mindset is that of of growth, of adaptability, right? And when someone tells me their problem, I don't carry that on to myself.
00;00;52;22 - 00;01;09;01
Rances
And I give I give a lot of credit about that to my mom, who told me when I was like, I think I was 13 years old. And all my friends, she's always talk to me. My mom one day randomly just says to me, listen, listen to people's problems, but don't take it yourself. Like, I don't know what told her to tell me that she knew nothing about me.
00;01;09;03 - 00;01;11;23
Jason
My mom's intuition is fucking unmatched, man.
00;01;12;14 - 00;01;38;10
Rances
And that's something that that, like, stayed for me forever, where I can. I can listen to your perspective. I can even shift into a point of view of empathy. But I still look at it as a problem and by me looking at it as a problem, I'm like, okay. And the fundamental problem of of all problems for me is always empowerment is like, how do you how do you change something?
00;01;38;10 - 00;02;02;23
Rances
How do you remain in control here? And that's what I'm trying to give to someone that I'm speaking to. So for me, like, what validates that is like history, like reading about the Holocaust and people that survived that, that in the worse environment or someone that has gone through traumatic capture like prisoners of war, traumatic experiences, and they they couldn't be broken.
00;02;02;23 - 00;02;27;29
Rances
Why? Because their mindset, their internal world couldn't be reached. Right. So even if you die that you still can be broken. To me, that's like, okay, so then we apply that to anything, right? So someone can tell me a horrible personal story of their getting raped, beat, whatever, and I'm still looking at it. Okay. How do we build your internal world?
00;02;28;00 - 00;02;53;04
Rances
I'm looking at from that that that side where where I see a lot of therapists that go into that field because they like I want to help and and they carry a lot of that weight with them that they go into that field with that desire. And all of this becomes too much, right? This becomes too much to the point that they become jaded in that career and they become disassociated.
00;02;53;04 - 00;03;18;11
Rances
And now they just listen to people. And it's it's a protective thing that they're not even aware of, that they're disassociated from what they're listening. And it's just like blank no emotional reaction because they've in order to survive, they've adapted to repressing their own emotions on this experience. Yeah. So then they just go like basically checking off a box in terms of, okay, listen to this.
00;03;18;17 - 00;03;42;10
Rances
After you listen to this, you apply this, you tell them this, you will. They don't move on and it becomes kind of like a factory thing. And I think that fundamental perspective of like, what does this mean? Because if I see you get stabbed in the back, you know, I can sit there and dwell about how painful or how horrible that is for you and have all this sympathy for you that's going to drop me away.
00;03;42;18 - 00;03;54;01
Rances
Or I can see how this is going to be something that I can help you with by putting a bandage on. Like the solution brings hope to me. And I think that's a big.
00;03;54;01 - 00;04;09;06
Jason
Principle that makes a lot of sense. And I think when you're talking like that coping mechanism and that genius, like I saw that a lot of myself with working in news and just having to constantly just turn out stories, you have to put things away and say, okay, this is this is a massive story. I'm going to do this.
00;04;09;06 - 00;04;25;23
Jason
I'm going to cut the footage first. I'm going to move on to this squirrel writing a boot kind of thing, you know, and it's just it's one of those things that you you can't take it home with you. But at the same time, it it you're human and it's going to impact you in one way or another, even if you repress it, it's going to sit down there and it's actually going to come out.
00;04;25;27 - 00;04;28;01
Rances
But that's what repress it and repression is.
00;04;28;01 - 00;04;48;24
Jason
Yeah. My other question for you, because I was really interesting, what you were saying is as somebody who your job is to help fix things, to fix people's mentality and stuff like that, do you ever notice it, like with your kids that sometimes it's not a matter of listening to it to fix things as much as it's just to listen to them so that they can vent and express themselves.
00;04;48;24 - 00;05;13;21
Rances
So basically you're highlighting the emotional thing too. You know, we talk about there's four different ways to deal with emotion. There's what I mentioned before, repression, right? There's suppression, there's expression and then there's letting go. Yeah, right. So the only healthy thing to do is to let go. The other three are ways to either Kindle, to either ignite or either use it as poison.
00;05;13;21 - 00;05;33;09
Rances
Right? So when you suppress an emotion, you're you're aware that it's happening inside you and you're pushing it down and you're like, try not to react to it, right? If you're repressing an emotion, it becomes beyond awareness. You're no longer even aware that this is having an impact. So those two are like internal poison for yourself that are just bubbling up.
00;05;33;26 - 00;05;52;20
Rances
Then expression is like what people believe is what you need to do is like, I need to express this, need to put this out but what that really does it Kindles more of that same emotion, right? So when you're angry and you start screaming, right, you end up screaming louder, harder and more aggressively. Why? Because you're kindling that same emotion.
00;05;52;20 - 00;06;13;01
Rances
But when you stop and actually understand what's happening inside you and you recognize what is this anger coming from, what is it trying to say? Oh, it's because I'm afraid of something. So I'm trying to protect myself. What is it that I'm afraid of? What is it? You understand the core concept of it. Now you take that energy, that emotional energy, and you convert it into action.
00;06;13;01 - 00;06;33;15
Rances
Something that you can do, which is, again, goes back to my fundamental point of now, you can be proactive and be empowered by this reaction that you're having. So with my kids, it's it literally this morning we were having a family meeting last night and today family meeting because we want to incorporate more training for for the kids.
00;06;33;23 - 00;07;01;25
Rances
What I mean by that is, well, my kids understand a lot of concepts because they've been around it their entire lives. But when it comes to being in the moment, they have a overwhelm of emotions. All of that goes out the window, right? So I'm like, I look at them like, okay, we need to train more. We need to train in uncomfortable situations where you are still in a controlled environment, but you can have these these rounds of like, I'm super stressed right now.
00;07;01;28 - 00;07;10;27
Rances
How do I manage it here? Oh, okay. So now when you get into the real thing, we call it we call it the emotional fire drill. My son came up with the name.
00;07;10;27 - 00;07;12;18
Jason
That's really cool. That's actually really good.
00;07;13;03 - 00;07;18;26
Rances
So he's great names. Moises thinks he's good. He got nothing on Logan when it comes.
00;07;18;27 - 00;07;22;22
Moises
I haven't heard him make any names yet, so we could have a competition. You can bring.
00;07;22;22 - 00;07;31;02
Rances
Him his fish when he was three years old. He name his fish go d dash because it's a goldfish Let's fast it's a fire name.
00;07;31;21 - 00;07;34;29
Moises
I kind of came up with that name.
00;07;34;29 - 00;07;35;22
Rances
You're right. I'm not.
00;07;35;22 - 00;07;35;29
Moises
Right.
00;07;36;11 - 00;07;40;06
Rances
You're right. You're you're you're as good as a three year old. So anyways, I.
00;07;40;06 - 00;07;42;22
Jason
Was okay, but that wasn't a very strong reference.
00;07;42;24 - 00;07;46;20
Rances
At three years old. Yes.
00;07;46;20 - 00;07;51;10
Moises
Goldie Dash, I mean, I like this in a cartoon already made anyways.
00;07;51;18 - 00;07;53;01
Rances
So like with my kids, it's.
00;07;53;01 - 00;07;53;13
Moises
About.
00;07;53;14 - 00;07;57;03
Rances
Like that that that training and that's that's that's the difference.
00;07;57;10 - 00;08;01;24
Jason
Oh, you think your kids are special?
00;08;01;24 - 00;08;18;16
Rances
They are my kids. My kids. They're no, I try to tell them that they're not special all the time. Yeah. Because they do get arrogant. My son for example, has a lot of that arrogance that I have. And like the other day he went off a rant about school is stupid. Where I need this, I can look up whatever I need to learn.
00;08;18;16 - 00;08;37;21
Rances
And I was like, I can't argue with that. But there's other aspects. Yeah. Which by the way, another story. Okay, so what we after listening to that argument, he's flipping out he got real emotional about it is like and they want me to to write emails to the teacher and I have to be super respectful and be all for one is like what can I just ask a question?
00;08;37;21 - 00;08;52;27
Rances
But I have to do it like, okay, I get, I get your resistance. And I was like, okay, so let's do this for a week. You're going to take the, the math skill that you're learning at school. And I want you to take ownership of that. You're going to look up, you're going to spend I'm gonna give you extra time on your computer.
00;08;53;04 - 00;09;09;28
Rances
You're going to teach yourself the math, right? He goes, okay, okay. Super hyped up the first day he spends like an hour. He's like, It's really hard to find information. And then I was like, What does that tell you is like, well, in school, I guess they they do that for you. So that makes it easier I think.
00;09;09;29 - 00;09;12;23
Rances
Ah so he found his own value on them.
00;09;13;26 - 00;09;16;04
Jason
Teachers are kind of important, yet.
00;09;19;05 - 00;09;19;16
Rances
It goes.
00;09;19;16 - 00;09;46;06
Moises
Back. It goes back to his fundamental understanding of relationships. Yeah. And understanding how to leverage relationships. Yeah. I wanted to say something about the, the therapist and, and that kind of emotional state differences it was talking about. It's, I think it comes down I think branches in it. I'm sure if we go back, it it almost sounds a little dismissive when saying those things that way right.
00;09;46;06 - 00;09;49;28
Moises
Like I'm I don't really care that you have a fucking knife in your back.
00;09;50;12 - 00;09;51;19
Jason
Doesn't matter. Don't worry.
00;09;52;03 - 00;09;59;16
Moises
You got health insurance like you're good. You're good. If you don't, then my wife got the needle in the back.
00;09;59;17 - 00;10;01;13
Jason
If not, get a magnifying glass. Yeah.
00;10;02;10 - 00;10;41;02
Moises
I got it. But. But I think what or what the point is, just like the idea that something is good or bad, right? This, like, hard line that happens between good, bad. Yeah, right, wrong, right, evil, whatever. And I think for Rances and this is what I've understood and I've kind of adopted this kind of mindset and I started thinking in life too, after many arguments was one argument is in specific that kind of like made me think but the idea that there is no right or wrong, the idea that there is no good or bad, it's like in the Indian guy.
00;10;41;02 - 00;10;56;04
Moises
I forgot his name. Sadhguru. Sadhguru, Sadhguru. Right. He says it's unpleasant or pleasant. Right. There are things that cause discomfort and and cause comfort and yes, a knife in your back is going to be very uncomfortable.
00;10;56;13 - 00;10;57;00
Jason
I would say.
00;10;57;15 - 00;11;26;11
Moises
But the idea that that's going to cause trauma and that it is a bad thing that happened to you and now it's changed the circumstances of your life. And now your whole life is different. You can't move your scapula, so therefore you can't throw a punch anymore and your life is over, right? Like instead of it looking at that way that those things are, it's the idea that hope exist and that this thing happened for you and more attention to pay more attention.
00;11;26;11 - 00;11;47;17
Moises
And now you you get stronger. You rehabilitate in an even more efficient manner. Or maybe you become stronger punching somebody face off the idea that right or wrong doesn't exist, the idea of good or bad doesn't exist. And I think that a lot of times people have that perspective whenever they do something in their life is like, No, this is wrong.
00;11;48;00 - 00;12;05;23
Moises
You're not supposed to do that or This is bad, this is a bad thing. And the argument that that made me change that was one time we were going to a presentation, right? And we were in Edgewater and I was driving through this parking lot. Francis was in the passenger seat in this truck, comes out of nowhere and I'm like, Oh shit.
00;12;05;23 - 00;12;24;14
Moises
I swerve over and I'm like, Oh shit. I would have certain answers goes, Why? I was think we really got fucking smacked by a fucking longer day. And he's like, he's like, no, like you don't know if it was going to be bad. You don't know what would I would like do if I would have broken bones and.
00;12;24;17 - 00;12;45;15
Moises
Okay, Yoda. But what happened was that he, he pushed back on that idea, thinking on whether something was good or bad. And obviously my ego did not want to lose in that moment. So I was not agreeing with him, but I did go home and think about it more. And this is I do this a lot with friends.
00;12;46;11 - 00;12;48;22
Moises
I won't I will argue my point. I mean.
00;12;48;24 - 00;12;55;20
Jason
You were very similar in that aspect where it's like in the argument, like, just shut up. I don't care what you have to say. Then afterwards, like had a point.
00;12;55;25 - 00;13;05;03
Moises
If you ever, if you ever want to get rid of this man, I'll teach you everything you need to do. I'm good. You can. You can really get ahead. Cursed.
00;13;05;03 - 00;13;14;13
Jason
You asked. I'll stick to the. You're sick all the time. That's all I have to do. So he's already twitching his leg now. It's not because he's going to freeze.
00;13;14;13 - 00;13;15;13
Rances
It no good.
00;13;15;28 - 00;13;18;29
Jason
And he's going to be he's going to have a cold next week, I guarantee it.
00;13;19;19 - 00;13;38;10
Moises
So I went home and I thought about it and I was like, Well, yeah, maybe the insurance would have paid out. I would have gotten this much money right. And I would have been able to change these aspects of my life or I would have been able to take that money and invest in a video project. Right? Like this whole sequence of events of what good could have came out from it.
00;13;38;28 - 00;14;20;10
Moises
And in the moments when you have that emotional experience, when you're in this kind of traumatic event, it's hard to see that. Yeah, going back to the stories and going back to what I was talking about is like those support systems like therapist have therapists, right? Like they have a therapist because you understand that they have to extinguish these traumatic kind of experiences that they're experiencing from hearing other people's stories and understanding that you need someone else to shed different perspectives and give different angles of hope for you to move forward and see the solutions that exist in your life.
00;14;20;14 - 00;14;36;24
Jason
Jason Here with Mindset U. And I just want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for tuning in and watching us every week since Mindset U is taking a different approach. We need your help coming up with new topics of stuff that you want to hear so that we can give you the best quality possible, the best content possible in general.
00;14;37;09 - 00;14;52;21
Jason
It's fun. Come on, help us out. Help us help you. Anyway, you can head over to VidaProject.com to watch any of the old episodes and any of the new upcoming episodes are coming. You can also check us out on Instagram and YouTube and anywhere else that you could possibly think of that you wants to be. Let us know.
00;14;52;21 - 00;14;56;24
Jason
We'll be there. All right. Thank you so much.