Career Change Fears: Limiting Beliefs - Part 2/5 Podcast
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In this episode of the Career Change Fear, we're continuing our conversation with Jay's story, what his experience reveals about limiting beliefs, and how to deal with them.
Jay walks us through the dire situation his mental health was in. How becoming self-aware and allowing support from his circle, he was able to find happiness again.
If you’re thinking about a career change, but are afraid of what you might lose, then you need to listen to this podcast. Jay's story is proof that there is always something to gain by making a change. If you’re afraid to give up the status quo, you need to hear Jay's story. It will change your perspective and help you make the decision that is best for you!
0:00 - Intro
0:12 - Episode Topic
0:26 - Different world of inadequacies
4:52 - The Rules of the Game
6:49 - Negotiation based on Values
9:31 - The hand-me-down vision
11:20 - Building your Skills
13:16 - My skills will get the company there
16:55 - The Perfect Storm for Jay to Change
23:19 - Outro
Rances
Welcome to Mindset U podcast your source of mindset education. We aim to provide you with free valuable education for you to thrive. Enjoy in episode two of Career Change Fears What happens if we stop being the victims of the system and start learning it? Can we become empowered? Also, what happens when our career is threatening our lives? Is that enough pressure to change?
Jason
If you think about it, like us growing up, it's so different than like kids growing up now. Like it's such a different landscape of things. Like we didn't have the Internet, we didn't have all these things, our disposal to see what our kids lives were like was kind of like you just knew what was like for like around what you saw, your surroundings kind of thing in your one block radius kind of thing.
Jason
So it's like now with these kids, they have social media, they have all these things and and I think they put so much into certain things that don't really matter. Entertainment, entertainment, everything needs to be entertainment. Everything. You need to be cool. You need to have the coolest things because you see everybody else having it before is like, if you were poor and your friends were poor, that's all you knew.
Jason
I mean, even in telephonically, it's suburban and it's not cheap to live in. But you go to like closer, you go to like Englewood Cliffs, you're like, Oh, you guys are different. Like we're the poor kids to you kind of.
Rances
Things at that point. Like when, you know, I grew up in Washington Heights and when I was about nine or ten was when we were moving to Jersey and everyone in the block, all the kids around the block, that's how ignorant they were. They're like, Oh, you, you go with the rich people. This guy's going to move to.
Jason
Paterson.
Rances
New Jersey.
Jason
The murder capital of the world.
Rances
But to them, that's the only place they know in Jersey. Yeah. Oh, that's. That's rich. Yeah. So it was like all this stuff constantly making fun of me. You knew you're moving in the rich people. Oh, you're too good for us. But I also.
Moises
Think, like, you know, I do agree that kids have more access to information, but I think about why they they spend so much time on, like social media and stuff and it's because they desire connection. Yeah. So I still work around kids and yeah, I hear teachers and adults say they're spending too much time on the screen and I'm like, so fucking engaged with them.
Moises
Yeah. Be be a friend, be be someone to connect with, be like learn about them instead of telling them what to do. Yeah, right. And I think that, that I think that's something that still kind of translates even when like we were younger, my parents always told me like, Oh, you got to do this and you got to do that, and this is the way it's got to be.
Moises
And when you have family, you're not going to be able to make these decisions. You're not going to be able to change your career. So do it now. And I'm like, That's all bullshit. Like, you could have you could have left. You didn't have to. You didn't have to stay in this job because of me. And then it almost feels like you're you're placing guilt on the kid for your life choices, which is pretty fucked up.
Moises
Yeah, because then the kid grows up to be resentful of like, oh, well, I'm the reason that you didn't decide to go be this in your life.
Jason
I think it's also because it it's a different time. So it's like a different work structure. It's like, you know, talking to my mom about she's my mom's been the corporate world. My whole life, you know, and, and, but with her thing, it's like you work, you work, you work, you make your way up in the ranks within your company and stuff like that.
Jason
And nowadays it's like you can work 40 years at a job and they won't advance you, you know? And then you see other people who fill up. You're just like, I do everything right. How is this person who's terrible at their job managing me now? What how kind of thing? And I think that goes into why people are changing their jobs, not because they realize that there's no growth.
Jason
There's a lot of place in the corporate world. It's hard to grow in a company.
Rances
I think so. For me, I think a lot of those two topics, a lot of clients that I work with is it tends to be the theme of career. And the other one is of their relationship with their kids, the one with the relationship with their kids. The first thing that I that I notice when they're talking about it is that they don't question their assumptions, their perspective of how life is.
Rances
The parents are talking about how their perspective of no. These are the right choices. You need to do this and this and this, this that's been drilled in over. They've never stopped to question that. Yeah. So then they're just like, I don't understand. In order to be successful, my child needs to do this and this, this. And they're resisting me on like, what's the and then it's like, why is that the right thing to do?
Rances
And when you ask that question, when obviously with a client that is to space to do that, they're just like, wait, what do you what do you mean? Like this cognitive dissonance shatters their brain for that moment. And then the other thing is the career where like what you're saying, like, I don't understand. I've been working in this company and I'm not advancing.
Rances
Am I getting now that comes into like this the space of like kind of that entrepreneur mentality where a lot of people learn their job, they do really well. Their job with the with the belief that, hey, if I work really hard, I'm going to advance who have I do my job really. But look at I look at that from from a business.
Rances
Like if you have this part in the business that's working really well, why would you want to mess with that. Yeah, would it like that doesn't make any sense. Yeah. So you leave that person there because they're doing a great job. They're what you need in order to move up is relationships. Yeah. And that's, that's a whole thing that goes into oh it's politics.
Rances
Yes, it's politics. But it's, it's building relationships because when you're in a leadership position, that's what it is. It's all relationships.
Jason
Yeah. Yeah. You see, like with me when I was a news writer, it's like I was a good leader because I was able to to manage all the other writers. And I was one of the younger guys, but I understood everything and I could adapt really quickly. But then it got to the point that, like, you're you're such a good leader, you're staying there.
Jason
And it's like, all right, but like, can you can you pay me more than if I'm training everybody? Can I can I get paid? If you're going to keep me here, can I can't least raise my salary just a little bit? Like here's $0.25. Thanks. Here's a pizza party things. So I'll make it a point. I'll be a dick.
Jason
I would just make it a point whenever they have pizza parties or they're giving us food. I would never eat their food out. I would order out and I'd sit in the room with them and eat something else just because I was like, If you can afford pizza, you can afford to pay me more, damn it.
Moises
Well, I think that's I mean, I'm going to push back a little bit. on you Jay, but..
Jason
Yea, No go ahead
Moises
I think this is what's going to make the podcast interesting. But I would say that most people who are in that kind of position don't know how to negotiate. Right? Like if you if you're able to express the skills to in a way where you leave, they're going to have a dysfunctional team. Then it makes me so happy.
Moises
But the thing is, is like the expression of that, right. Like, why aren't people able to move up? Well, I would say, like you haven't found a way to really sell yourself. Yeah. You haven't found a way to articulate something in in a manner that makes the other person understand that they're going to crumble without you. Yeah. And I think a lot of people like when, when they say, oh, I'm not evil, I do my job and I do it well, I'm like, Yeah, you can take a mechanic.
Moises
That's a really great mechanic and you can tell them, Hey, why don't you start your own business? But he has no idea how to sell something or how to organize a business or anything. He's not or she is not going to be able to build a successful business because they just don't have the other skills. It's like if you're not moving up in the company, you're missing something.
Jason
No, that makes sense. That's a good way to look at it.
Rances
So like on the note of like the entrepreneurial spirit, this is this is a conversation I was just having this weekend with with a group of friends that come over every year. And we get together basically once a year and we catch up on what's going on with life and everything like that. And it's so interesting because we all lead very different lives in terms of our careers and everything, right?
Rances
And what I've been seeing like year after year is like what I call like the jaded gene kicking up right where there's one or one of our friends who it is three couples. One of them has been like jumping from bank to bank throughout her her career and has been elevating in position. Elevating her position, right. Yeah. Like there's this whole thing with her and her husband, who's also in a bank, but he's been in the same bank and with her is like, Oh, she had no loyalty.
Rances
She just whatever, whatever it was like, okay, but she's leveraging something because a lot of times when you're an organization and you're like, Hey, I'm really good at this and the organizations do, yeah, yeah, that's cool. But you can stay right there. And then you're like, You know what? Hey, guys, I'm really good at this. And they're like, I'll bring you peace, right?
Rances
That's a form of leveraging those skills, which a lot of people are nervous and afraid to do when it comes to just making a jump, not even a career change, but a organization change. Yeah, that's a challenge. And then the other factor is where someone that's been doing that started something as a passion, right? And they went into a career as a passion.
Rances
And they feel and I think, Moises, you can speak to this as a teacher where they started a career because they believed there was something they could do, was going to make a difference. And then they're in that career for a certain amount of time and they're just jaded. They're like, There's nothing. I can't do anything. Just just the system is messed up and whatever and there's no point.
Rances
I give up and I kind of like that. Learned helplessness kicks in.
Moises
Well. Well, for me, I didn't want to go into teaching. And it been that way. I mean, it just happened that way. It wasn't like planned. Like I went to school for for business. Business and finance. But then once I started it, I think it was like around 28 when the collapse happened and it was harder to get a job and one thing that I wasn't told about is the relationship aspect.
Moises
So that that was like one of the hardest things of my life was like building meaningful, solid relationships to be able to sell my skills, right? So it's easier to go into a job where nepotism exists. So my dad had followed me and my dad brought me into the education that learning guys learned. I learned fast. My dad brought me into the education world and the one part that I loved was that I was going to be able to coach basketball.
Moises
So I was I've been a coach since I was like 18 years old. So that was the part that I was excited for and working with kids and building relationships with kids. Then I understood. I was like, Oh shit, man, these kids ever fucked up life, especially from the Bronx, right?
Jason
And you can have a really big impact on them.
Moises
Yeah. And you can make a change like there's, you know, I got I got kids playing in Division one basketball right now and that's always awesome to see. But I think like with to your point is you work in a structure where and in hindsight now I was like with the skills that I have now, I think I could have done a lot better in that position and I could have grown and moved up, but I needed to leave in order to gain those skills.
Moises
So like entrepreneurship, one thing taught me how to speak with people, how to connect with people, how to understand people.
Jason
How to listen.
Moises
How to listen, yeah, how to deliver value. And that was the thing like in a school, teachers think that your job is to deliver value to the kids. No, it's also delivering value to your colleagues. It's delivering value to the organization as a whole. And I thought I think I was missing that. I didn't learn that till I came and joined you.
Moises
Right. And I had to understand how like, okay, what is a sale, right? It's not a fucking read in a script, right? It's understanding someone's problem and trying to solve it, which that skill existed. But I only knew how to do that with kids. So I'm a big believer in like when people have problems with their careers, it's you're missing something.
Moises
What are you doing to understand what you're missing? What is the skill, right? And like when, you know, I wrote what a resume, right? I have my resume and I look at it in like we actually argued about this in the car.
Rances
Business and I had a huge argument.
Jason
Also, guys just say, you know, these two are basically a married couple. They're the odd couple. They're so different yet so like and all they do is bicker with each other. It's amazing that they haven't really done it so far in this episode yet. Give it like five more minutes. I guarantee it's going to come at one point or another and you're going to see what I'm talking about.
Jason
But it's amazing.
Moises
But we argued about the resume, right? And being able to really write down and persuade somebody that you have skills that can change their organization. Yeah. And the same thing happens with business. Business. It's just harder because it's like you have to worry about so many other components of maintaining an organization. But essentially, if you're not moving up in your career and you're thinking that a career change is going to be the thing that's now going to, you know, solve all your problems, everything.
Moises
No, it's not. You're still missing the skill, and maybe you'll be fortunate to join people who will elevate your skills. I was fortunate because, you know, I got to work with Rances and I've elevated my skills. And I think Rances in our partnership and I would hope that I elevated your skills to an extent.
Jason
That, oh, oh, I'm waiting for that now.
Rances
But you're not going to do an argument.
Moises
Yeah, yeah. Well, like, we elevated each other and there was like there was a point where, like, we talked about it like we were v the project. We were about to move here to this bigger location and we were just like, know it feels like you can do anything right. And it's that, it's that you literally just have to work on you.
Moises
And I think relationships was the biggest part that kind of shifted everything for me, which then goes to your point about you said before like, Oh, this kid that was afraid of speaking in front of people turn bright red in front of the class and all that shit. And that happened because it's a confident in yourself, the confidence in yourself that you're capable of doing anything.
Moises
And it's because of the work that you put in in developing and sharpening those skills. I don't think people look at it that way.
Rances
You know? So, you know, I was thinking about it like from a perspective like, you know, in a company, let's say you're a janitor and you're like, you don't understand. I clean this room better than anyone else and they don't acknowledge me. They don't whatever. It's like, okay, you clean and organize this room that no one sees and so on.
Rances
So force is like. But, but it's I work really hard, right? Okay. But when you ask the question, what value, how is that helping the business make more money? Right. Because when you look at it from the intention of most organizations is to make more money. Yeah. So how are you helping the business achieve its intention? That is value.
Rances
Then what happens is that people see their own perspective on value. Their own thing is like, Oh, I really appreciate our clean things. So I'm a do a really good job and have everything really clean. But if someone else doesn't value that, the organization doesn't value that, it means absolutely nothing. So it's about understanding like the system, right?
Rances
Understanding the organization or going to or understanding the the structure in which you're you're going into truly studying it and understanding what makes it tick. And then it becomes so easy to elevate yourself in in that career. Then I think that's the key fact that the mindset that that most people are lacking in in that regard.
Moises
So then Jay, like here and that how do you how did you know it was the right time to move in to change for you? Like how did you know because you said something earlier is they comfortable? Being comfortable can be a curse and a blessing and a curse. Yeah, a gift and a curse. Yeah. And I was going to say, like, listening to your story, I was like, nah, discomfort is what fucking made you move.
Moises
You were uncomfortable.
Jason
Well, so it was one of those things that, like, I put myself in the most. I was so comfortable with my job that I put myself in the most uncomfortable position possible, which is you're back to working overnight and you're doing something completely brand new, something you always wanted to do. But now it's like, All right now, right now, your whole life, like I was like, let's, let's see how I can do this.
Jason
I'm going to change my entire routine now. I'm up at midnight and I work until 8 a.m.. And now, you know, let's see how that goes. And I was able to do it, of course, because it's the adaptability to things and it's like, okay, I know I can adapt and stuff like that, but it's taken a toll on everything else on me.
Jason
And then it just got to the point. I was like, Well, all right, I'm making money, but I feel like shit. I feel I don't get to work out anymore. I don't get to do half the things I was helping me mentally get through the day. And it wasn't making me a better partner to my fiancee. It wasn't making me a better person because I just want to shut off from everybody because I was just so exhausted from left us.
Jason
Like, just leave me alone and let me sleep during the day, you know, and even get to enjoy my the farm I have with all the animals I have now. It's like I don't even want to be around them. I was like, Oh my God, leave dad alone, you know? And they're my favorite things in the world. They're the ones who show me unconditional love.
Jason
So it was I thought that maybe if I put myself in an uncomfortable position, then maybe you'll give me that instead. It's like, you got to drive that work for me. It's like that David Goggins thing where it's like, put yourself, do everything, you know? And I was like, That's not for me.
Moises
Real quick question. You said that even your dogs, they didn't get to like the best part of you do you think if your dogs were or your your animals that were actual people, you would have still made that decision?
Jason
That's a good question. Like Rances says, like like all my money goes towards like, you know.
Rances
You have two dogs.
Jason
Two dogs and a cat. And I keep talking my girl into getting another cat or another dog. I think, you know, I think if my I would have stayed a lot longer if, if I had kids, um, mostly for the fact I was like, okay, you're miserable now. We're going to save money. Now we're going to stack up and then you'll eventually leave.
Jason
But at least we'll have like a cushion to hold on to kind of thing. But then that's, I think that's a slippery slope because it's like, okay, I have a cushion. It's like, when is enough? Enough was enough to the point that, okay, I can I can hit the eject button now. And that's like, no, I still need to keep stacking to kill these, you know, that's like the money's good, the money's good, the money's good.
Jason
And I have a bad day today. Let's keep it going kind of thing, you know? So thank God I don't have kids because I think I'd still be working the overnight takes and hating myself. And probably so they weren't running into traffic.
Moises
What what skills do you think you were missing? And now, like, in hindsight, you're like, you know, maybe I could like, is there a part of you that thinks that you could have made it work?
Jason
I think I could have if I if if I didn't take it so late, where I was kind of like my one foot was already out because this is kind of like my Hail Mary throw to to make the switch. Because every other time when I wanted to make the switch to a food top, which is like six years in the making, it was one of those things I was like, okay, you can make the switch, but you can lose your health benefits for a while.
Jason
And I was like kind of like having health benefits because if I get sick and I come from a family where, you know, my dad's super accident prone and he just doesn't hurt himself, he puts him out of commission for a year and a half. And it was like, you know, having health insurance is kind of important just a little bit.
Jason
There's also a safety net. And it was just one of those things that I think if I wasn't so comfortable and if I was more willing to just bite the bullet six years ago and do it, I think it would have been a big difference as to like when the pandemic came and I was like, I can I can have a job working from home and I can be happy and I can see everybody.
Jason
I think that would have really changed it. And I also think that I didn't love working in news anymore. I think that I was I didn't have love for it. So it's kind of like that. It's like being in a shitty relationship.
Moises
You have love for your job right now.
Jason
I don't have love for my job right now, but I love the I love the lifestyle that my job gives me, if that makes any sense. Because it gives me I get paid less than what I was getting paid, working in news. But my quality of life is so much better, so much better in the sense that, you know, I can see the people that I love.
Jason
I can I can hang out at the home, I can work at the office. It's it's more it's not such a structured thing where it's like you have to be in at 3 p.m., you had to be out by 11 p.m.. I also don't work in the city anymore, thank God. As much as I love New York City working in New York City on the Upper East, not the Upper East Side, Midtown East.
Jason
It sucks, especially with anything that's going on with the U.N. and stuff like that. It's just it's a lot. And for me, it was all I knew. So it's 13 years of working in the city that is working in the city, working news. It was an it was at that point where I kind of kept telling myself, like, that's all, you know, that's you're only like, I would only look at news jobs, I'd only look at other news places and all that.
Jason
But why am I why not explore? Why not go out and see what else is out there? You're smart, kid. You can do whatever you can do, whatever you apply your mind to kind of thing. And it just happened one day after talking to one of my good friends, Kevin, and he was like, Look, we're looking for somebody.
Jason
If you think you want to do this, try it out, see what happens and I kind of got out of being tired and honestly like that. I wouldn't say I was close to being like, I want to end it all, but like the idea of ending it all didn't sound too bad. And that's and that's where I was like, okay, you got to do something, because now the idea of running in front of traffic right now, as I know, 99.9% sure I wouldn't do it.
Jason
That 1% I was like, you know what that Sweet Silence might be nice.
Moises
Yeah.
Jason
And that's where I was at, honestly and truly.
Rances
What is your health, love, life, spirituality, career, finances all have in common your mindset. Mindset is a source of creating change to learn how to install these and other life transforming concepts. Browse through our free collection of courses. I v the project. Com.