Career Change Fears: Comfort Trap - Part 1/5 Podcast
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This episode is about Comfort Traps: how we can get caught in a life we don't want and how to escape Moises left teaching, Jason left a career in News, and Rances survived having everything taken from him. We share how we overcame the fear of being uncomfortable in making similar transitions.
We'll be talking about the different fears that come with career changes, how we overcome them, and how to avoid the comfort traps that can keep you from moving forward.
So if you're feeling stuck in your career, or you're just considering a career change, be sure to listen to this series and gain some valuable insights!
0:00 - Intro
0:12 - New Season to Mindset U
1:20 - Episode Topic
1:38 - Jason's 14-Year Trauma Career
7:12 - Rances' Entrepreneurship Shift
11:28 - Harder With Kids
13:06 - The Sacrifice of a parent
15:11 - Giving your kids opportunities
17:00 - How do your decisions affect your kids
18:53 - Adult Children Of Decisions
21:46 - Outro
Jason
Welcome everybody to another episode of Mindset U. My name is Jason Moreno. I'm here with my co-hosts Moises Santos and Rances Perez. How you guys doing?
Rances
We cold, but we Good.
Jason
You’re cold and good. So, guys, if you're watching if you've been watching Mindset U* it's a new feel right now on the new guy. I've known these guys forever. This is one of my longest friends and I've known Rances. It's almost just as long kind of now that I think about it. But I've known this guy since third grade and it's been love ever since.
Jason
And this one, it's he's helped me a lot with my movement and stuff like that, and I couldn't think of more. So let's learn more about each other.
00;00;38;23 - 00;00;52;16
Rances
So just to let everyone know whether you starting to watch now or you watch some of our older stuff, we've been told more and that we can be very boring because we give a lot of input and facts and all this stuff.
Jason
Fucking robots.
Moises
Well, I think it's more Rances
Rances
Than.
Moises
A man, but. Yeah. Yes, we can be boring. So we brought fun factor in Jay, Jay is actually pretty funny. So we're hoping.
Jason
Hey, guys, that.
Moises
His comedy and humor will. We'll get you guys to listen a little bit more.
Jason
Today's episode is all about changing careers at one point or another. We've all changed careers. It's scary, it's fun, it's new. I think it's time for us to tell our stories that people can kind of relate more to us and understand what it's like to to go a different route. When you got comfortable with.
Moises
Why don't we start with you, man? Why did you quit?
Jason
Well, I cook cause I fucking hate in my job. No, I worked the news for about 13 years. It's all I ever knew. I lived, breathed, ate it. It took up a lot of my time.
Rances
What did you do in News?
Jason
I was a news writer. I was a news writer for a very long time. It was a lot of fun in the beginning. It's a lot of long hours. It's a lot of hard work and it takes up a lot of your personal time. But I will say that after a while it gets old. Like anything, anything you do.
Jason
After a while you don't feel personal growth. You don't you don't feel like this is where you're going to be the rest of your life, because, God, that's a scary thought of being somewhere that you don't really like for the rest of your life. It's terrifying. And honestly, what started getting me to change my thought process on that was these two guys, because they both, you know, one's an entrepreneur.
Jason
One was a teacher who decided to fucking shake everything up and start speaking, which is amazing because growing up, you couldn't you couldn't pay this kid to speak. And he's even walked out of class before to not speak. And it's amazing that now this is his career speaking. He makes money off his speaking. And this is a shyest kid.
Jason
I ever met in my life. So it's amazing to see how everybody grows in one way or another. And I think it has a lot to do with with VidaProject itself.
Moises
Why do you think? Like you made you decided to make that jump. So, like, I've had conversations with you before and I was talking about like we talked about loonie your T-shirt company right? You try to get off the ground. Have you talked about some of the film and stuff that you wanted to do? And we always spoke about it, but you never really was like really like decided to really take that jump.
Moises
And then out of nowhere, you just decided to.
Jason
Yeah, well, you know, it's like it's out of nowhere, but it's like 13 years in the making and it's just if you talk about it for six years and then you finally pull the trigger and you jump out of nowhere, never. What the fuck are you doing now? So after I was a news writer, I decided to switch over to become a photog.
Jason
Photog is the guy who holds the camera when you're outside and you don't realize how much goes into that and how much of like the story starts affecting you. Um, and I think for me it was, it was just going to these, you know, terrible things where that young girl was shot and then we had to go like canvass the area.
Jason
It's like find her family members. And this is like a day after the girl was murdered. And it's like you're knocking on people's doors and you're asked, how do you feel? It's like, of course they feel like shit. I get the whole point of it because you're trying to narrate a story and you're trying to get the feelings and stuff like that.
Jason
But for me it felt dirty. I just needed to make a change because I was making more money. I was making more money than I ever made in my news career. But I was miserable. I was working overnights. Um, my fiancee just saw me go from being, like, a bright light to being real dim, and you just catch, like, staring off into space.
Jason
And I was just miserable every time I stare off into space, I this thing about doing anything, I looked at a post like a male guy, and I'll say, You know what? I could deliver mail. I think I'll be happy. Like I get to walk all day. I get to be fucking dogs all day. Like, that's not bad.
Jason
So he got to the point that I'll do anything aside from doing what I do now, and I think I'll be happy. And so I made the switch to working a complete random gig thanks to a good friend of mine. And I work in logistics now and um, I don't think it's not something that I want to do for the rest of my life, but it's giving my life back and that's paid and tenfold.
Jason
I've never been as happy as I am now to have a life and to be able to be home and to see my family and not Miss Christmas and not Miss Thanksgiving and any other holiday that I had to work for, for not a great paycheck. It's not like I was making a ton of money where it's like, Oh, I can justify why missing all these life events with the people I love and I think the pandemic really switched that for me, where it was kinda just like, All right, what matters most to you right now, you know?
Jason
And you're like, I think in the beginning of this, like, I've never seen my family again with how this is going. Everything's so scary. It's all new, you know? So it's like, holy sh. Like, why am I. Why am I giving my life to something that I don't really care about when I can find something else? I'm a smart kid.
Jason
I'll be able to make it. It's hard to stop relying on your comfortability, and I think that's a big thing. I think being comfortable is a gift and a curse. And for me, it went it went from a gift and it just sloped into a curse where it's just like, all right, it's my routine. I know what I'm doing, but, God, I'm miserable.
Jason
And, um, and that's what really made me change it. I just it it just got to the point that the miserable just outweighed everything. And it was just time for me to to to jump ship and figure life out. And thankfully, I have a good support system and people who truly believe in me. And that's really what helped me the most is is having you guys seeing you guys do your thing and then having my family to be there and telling me, you know, you can do this, you can do this, you're going to figure it out.
Jason
You're a smart kid. You're going to take some road. You know, it's there's going to be some bumps in the beginning, but you're going to figure it out. And I did. And I and, you know, I don't know where I'm going next, but I do know that I'm happy. And that's truly what matters right now.
Moises
About Rances Man. You never really had that experience, right? Like like a big jump, like feel like you've been doing this forever.
Rances
So I have. But from different perspectives First you know, leaving school or leaving high school and it's like, oh, what do I want to do with my career? And I knew I had to interest one in health and the other one in design. In art, right. Which won over I went to art school and after a year in art school and seeing what canvassing kind of like, what the career paths look like and seeing other people graduating and struggling to find a job, I was like, Nah, this is BS.
Rances
And then I saw a documentary with my roommates, which was Super Size Me, if you guys remember that. Yes. And I was like, my my nephew was just born. This is in 2005. My nephew was just born. So I related it a lot with the fact of the kids. Right. Like kids being being one out of every five child born during that time was being diagnosed with diabetes.
Rances
I was like, this is crazy. So it kind of ignited that health thing. So I made a switch there, which, you know, there wasn't much that I was giving up outside of like, you know, having to come back home and all that stuff. But it's such a early age that it wasn't that big of a deal. So when I came home, I decided that, you know, I wanted to build this like after school program for kids where they're able to, you know, learn about nutrition, health and everything.
Rances
So I came back and the first thing I was doing was trying to get my my certification to become a coach and all this stuff. During that time, I was just doing jobs that I can find. Eventually I settled in being a waiter for a few years, but it was all in with intention of trying to build something.
Rances
But during that time I got to experience what I thought was a career, which was like working with kids and working with kids directly felt very disempowering because I couldn't really make a change if I could, in effect, the parents. So then I started working with more adults because I was like, All right, I got to change the whole system.
Moises
Parents always fuck up shit, huh?
Rances
Those are the adults right there.
Jason
Adults ruined it because the kids, you can. They're malleable, so you can you can get them on to a routine. You can get them to do things. But when you have a overbearing parent, I feel like that throws a big wrench into things.
Rances
Yeah, that's what that's what I would find. I would be, you know, working with a kid and he's understanding these things and then is like next week he's like, Yeah, but like, I can't do anything about it. You know, you told me, I want to eat this. I told my parents they don't, they don't have that. So it's like he's completely out of the realm of power.
Rances
So creating that shift for me was, was the whole thing. And then I started working with adults in a private gym. That was where I really had to make the shift because I worked there for I think it was like two years, right? I was making good money. It was easy work because clients would just walk in. I always knew I wanted to open up my own thing and all that stuff, but I was comfortable there and there was where the shift had to happen because things went south, ended up getting into it wasn't even an argument.
Rances
The dude was like he was having a lot of issues and seeing me as a threat. So one day I just walked into work and the owner of the studio just says to me, Don't worry about I got your next client. I'm like, What? What do you mean? And he's like, Yeah, you don't have to worry about coming back.
Rances
Got all your clients. And I was like, What? Like, completely unexpected. And during that time, my wife was working there to try to help in the marketing side. So he owed owed her money. He was like, No, I'm not going to pay for all the work that she had done. So it was like everything just thrown in the ground.
Rances
So I had to in that moment, I had to make a decision to make a shift of like, all right, now I got to build the thing I've been pushing off. So for me, that was the type of shift that I had to make. It wasn't like my choice. It was saying, I got to survive.
Jason
Yeah.
Rances
And during that time when you have kids, so it was, you know, a little bit more flexible.
Moises
I mean I mean, I definitely think that makes it a lot easier.
Jason
It makes it so much easier. I can't even imagine.
Moises
What is it? Yeah, kids. Well, it's not just having kids, but trying to, like.
Jason
Navigate life with these little fuckers that that need you for everything.
Moises
But I think it's like, build the desire that like you have as like an individual, but then like you have to take into consideration like these other people in your.
Jason
Life, your decisions navigate their entire life, you know, and it's like I can only imagine, like when you get accustomed to like a certain lifestyle and it's like that's making a change right now. Her mom's making a change and it's like their quality of life. And you have to explain something. Other things will get better. Like you can't get the same shit that you used to get.
Moises
But do you think like parent like do you think kids would really care though? Like, for example, I saw my parents, right? And they were both teachers and I saw them struggle, even having a stable, comfortable job. And I kind of wonder, I'm like, what happens if they would have done what they've wanted to do and just be happy?
Moises
Like we can be poor, but like, I think I don't I don't think I would have mind. Right, even if I saw my dad happy, right? Yeah. Like if I saw him come by.
Jason
But that's also like hindsight's 20/20 kind of thing, you know, because I think ideally it's like, yeah, I wouldn't mind and stuff like that for like when you see everybody else having like a normal childhood and you're struggling but your parents are happy, it's like, yeah, I’d like more than socks for Christmas.
Moises
Yeah, but like, is it the parent? Like, we can say from like i mean Rances. I think you can speak to that because you're the only one that's parent here if you fucking up your kids lives.
Rances
It so I can tell you this like the decisions aren’t made of from the side of like, oh, our kids are going to have to get used to this or this is going to be too rough for them. It's more so. I think it comes from the space of like what we want to give our kids, you know, so like.
Moises
But like what you want to give your kids, right? It's not like what your kids are asking you for.
Rances
But that that goes to the higher order of life because so growing up, my wife's family wasn't, didn't have a lot of money. My family didn't have a lot of money. We were my family was more well-off than her family. But it wasn't like we were rolling in it. Right? My dad was an entrepreneur working through things and figuring out how to make money constantly.
Rances
But what we see is like like for example, you know, when I was a kid, I wanted to, to, to learn music. I wanted to take instruments and stuff like that. And I was in, in the resources that wasn't even like possibility. So my kids show a little interests in it. I want to cultivate, I want to give them the opportunity because honestly, like all of our money goes for our kids.
Jason
To them, yeah.
Rances
We literally spend like 3 to $4000 a month on just like kids, things like after school programs and.
Jason
Everything, everything. And as they grow, everything just costs money because it's like even with clothes and stuff like that. So what fits them now? It's not going to fit them in two months.
Rances
Yeah, it's insane. So like our decisions on like, you know, we're going to make this, this entire shift. So like, for example, one of the things that my wife and I have been talking about is like, what if we just leave the country, start a fresh somewhere else, right? Just and it's kind of like from the from the side of like we want to struggle.
Rances
We want also like thinking of our kids. We want to put our kids in a position to struggle is like, oh, you're going to have to learn a new language. You're going to have to learn a new culture, all that stuff, that exposure. It comes from that place of like what does it constitutes to their life to give them opportunities moving forward.
Rances
That's where I would decision.
Jason
That's an interesting way to look at it.
Moises
I was thinking about it more like I totally get that. But I'm saying is like the parents ego and the parents like own like you said, your kids play an instrument, right? But it's really like you want it to play instruments and then they showed some interest. You're like, Oh shit, I never got that to let you make my kids do that.
Moises
It's like my dad teaching me basketball is like he taught me ball because he played ball. Yet at the end of the day, I was just happy to go to the park with my dad. Like, that's really what it was.
Rances
Well, that's, that's, that's a good point, because, like, there's certain things that my kids show interest for the purpose of, like spending time with us right? But then there's the other side where we're at least us. My wife and I are fully aware and we're trying to make sure that we're not pushing things down on them So we've established like rules for things with like the instruments we do a phase in which the kid says, Hey, I want to try this instrument.
Rances
We're like, okay, we're going to back you up. So we're going to put all the money upfront so you can get the instrument, get the lessons, all that stuff. You have two months. This is the experimental phase for you to decide after those two months now you're going to commit for two years. So they go through that kind of self autonomy, like we built it into our like our system so that they can decide on how much they want to like go into something.
Rances
Because my son, for example, he wanted to change his mind like my daughter tends to have see that commitment is no problem. She's been doing the violin for for two years now and she wants to continue. My son has already switched like three instruments because he hasn't lasted past the past at that initial phase.
Jason
What instrument is he on now?
Rances
Saxophone.
Jason
Oh, that's a fun one to listen to somebody practice. Yeah.
Moises
So let me ask you something. Let's let's let's just let's play with this scenario real quick. Right? Let's say that right now you're able to do that because of the work that you and your wife do, correct? Right. You're able to provide those resources. But let's say that you weren't happy with what you were doing and you wanted to to change your career.
Moises
Right. So now you're not able to give those resources to your kids anymore. Is it selfish for a parent to leave their career? Right. They still are able to provide. They're able to survive. Their kids are being fed. They've got a roof over their head. But the parent is just like suffering right. In this career. Is it is it selfish to to let it be selfish for doing so?
Rances
Because in reality, is you be a shitty parent when you're when you're struggling and you're hating life. And like even for me, when you have phases, when we're super stressed out, when we're trying to figure out stuff and that comes home with you, you want it not to, but it comes home with you. So you end up snapping on your kids.
Rances
You end up reacting right? So like imagine living a life where you're constantly in that in their experience, which I can't speak of. Right. I can only speak of moments and like constantly being in that pressure and then, like, your kids are. Hey, Mommy, Mommy, Daddy.
Jason
Daddy checked us out.
Rances
Look, again, something that you find dumb, but they're super interested in. What? How are you going to react when you have nothing left and you know, willpower left? You're going to be like, I don't care. I'm going to watch TV. Like, Right. So then you become a shitty parent, so then you end up hurting your child more.
Rances
So I don't think so.
Moises
Then if in hindsight, right, let's say that kid grows up, what would that kid have wanted? What he wanted a better parent or he wanted the music lessons.
Rances
So, I mean, you guys can speak to that more than than I can.
Jason
Because I just wanted a hug. No.
Rances
Because I know Jay's parents. They both worked, right? I know your parents both worked. And then divorce, right. For me. I had my father was entrepreneur and my mom supported him at work for many years. And then then she'd like basically stay home. Yeah. So I had that nuclear family, right? Yeah. You guys had two professional parents that.
Jason
Yeah. I mean, I also had a childhood where my dad would take me to the bar with him, so my bonding was a little bit different than most people. So, you know, he'd pick me up from school and and he's like, we're making a pit stop. And I'm like, I know we're going to he'd give you that money for those comic books.
Jason
So I don't tell mom, you know, and it's being six years old and and knowing your dad's drink. So it's like, I'm going to go park the car. You go inside and get her drink situated. So, you know, six walking up to the bar like I'll have a Shirley Temple and Gil's going to have a double shot of Jack Daniel's in a Heineken.
Jason
And let's make it snappy. You know, we got McDonald's to go to and I got karate after this. So, you know, I think for me, it was all about I didn't care what we did. I didn't care. You know, I think it attests to I just wanted to spend time with my parents, you know, and I think the reason why me and my dad or Jesus Christ on the clone of him is because we spent so much time together.
Jason
And I didn't care what we did. I mean, I was granted you know, I don't think it's ideal to bring your kids to the Bar your entire life until they quit drinking when you're you're a teenager. But it's some of my favorite memories because I was like, I just got to hang out with the adults until like to answer your question.
Jason
I guess like the classes don't matter, but I think it in the parent's mind it's like you want to be the provider and you want to give them everything that you didn't have for me.
Moises
You know, when we before 12, my dad coached me in basketball every day. So when he left, that was like I didn't realize it at that time, but he didn't like leave me, leave me. But the every day at the YMCA in Hackensack and in 500 or 600 shots a day, that, you know, definitely changed everything for me, like my confidence as a kid just dramatically just stop that.
Moises
Just yeah, my dad was the source of confidence in every basketball game, like Jay was there. Yeah, he saw my dad every game, you know, yelling at me, whatever, pushing me, telling me to.
Jason
Yup, from the crowd I never made the team.
Rances
So. So you're saying that when your dad went to divorce, having your dad like all of that stuff, stop those activities with your dad.
Moises
And then, you know, I spoke to him a little bit. You know, I've got to provide for you and my sister Nina and all that stuff. And I'm like, But I don't give a shit about that. Like, Yeah, I don't care. I don't see you.