My life Transformed part 1 of 2
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In this episode of the Mindset U Podcast, Massiel shares her transformative journey through coaching. Initially seeking help for her children, she discovered the need for personal growth and embarked on a life-changing path. Guided by her coach, Rances, Massiel experienced positive changes, including improved self-awareness, emotional control, and better relationships with her children.
The hosts, Moises and Rances, discuss the impact of coaching on Massiel's life and how it extends beyond herself to influence her children positively. Massiel highlights the difference between therapy and coaching, emphasizing how coaching addresses root causes and fosters healing and growth.
The conversation also delves into the obstacles encountered in the coaching-client relationship, emphasizing the importance of awareness and vulnerability. Massiel shares her struggles with perception and repressed emotions, while Rances guides her through navigating her emotions and embracing vulnerability.
Join us on this inspiring journey of personal growth, as Massiel's story showcases the transformative power of coaching. Gain insights into the difference between therapy and coaching, and discover the significance of awareness and vulnerability in personal development.
Subscribe to the Mindset U Podcast on any channel and stay tuned for the next episode, where we delve into the theme of doing the impossible. Don't miss out on empowering conversations that will help you unlock your true potential.
Check out the resources below!
Book a free discovery call To help you get things done here: https://usemotion.com/meet/rances-per...
Uncover your purpose with this survey: https://forms.gle/RnUDkV9bYZdrdtZ58
learn about the theory of change here: https://www.vidaproject.com/theory-of...
Timestamps
0:00 - Intro
0:29 - Massiel's Story
5:10 - Changing Perspectives and Relationships
9:51 - Therapy vs. Life Coaching
10:19 - Healing from Past Trauma
11:20 - Overcoming Repression and Building Awareness
19:44 - Vulnerability and Resistance
20:33 - Challenging Beliefs and Growth
22:34 - Recognizing Change and Setting Measures
27:47 - Tell us your thoughts https://forms.gle/aqLERqWV4H1BqDB79
Transcript
00;00;00;08 - 00;00;13;23
Moises
All right, everyone. Welcome to another episode of Mindset U. This is episode 64. And today we have a special guest here, Massiel, our amazing client that has been with us for how long? Rances?
00;00;14;11 - 00;00;16;04
Rances
It was around 2020. No.
00;00;16;27 - 00;00;17;28
Massiel
More or less. Yes.
00;00;18;07 - 00;00;24;21
Moises
Client now friend. Right. So I feel like we've been close, especially Massiel and Rances.
00;00;24;21 - 00;00;27;23
Massiel
Right, right.
00;00;27;23 - 00;00;29;02
Rances
Part One of two.
00;00;29;02 - 00;00;39;19
Massiel
So I was like desperate, looking for somebody to help me with my kids and then ended up being that I was the one who needed the help and. All right, so that's how we met.
00;00;40;07 - 00;00;45;29
Rances
So when you say that, you know, that ended up you being that when they needed help, what do you mean by that?
00;00;46;12 - 00;01;15;27
Massiel
So I remember walking into that project sitting with you. Beverly was there, too. And I say, Oh, my kids. And I'm going through this and through that and I'm talking and talking. And Rances, just sits there and listens to you. And then he pauses and he just says, you know, let me tell you, I can have two clients out of your kids pretty much.
00;01;17;01 - 00;01;44;19
Massiel
But I think we have to start with you first. And I said me and then I remember he said, You know what? Let's do an exercise then. Okay, no problem. You can't close your eyes. And I closed my eyes and he starts guiding me. It was more like almost like a kind of meditation at that point, right? I remember feeling so scared and I started shaking.
00;01;44;20 - 00;02;13;18
Massiel
I started crying and I realized that I was scared. And he made me feel so safe. And that moment that I was so scared, his voice made me feel safe. And that's when he said, You know what? Why don't we work with you first? And then we'll see where that goes and then we'll work on your kids.
00;02;14;01 - 00;02;15;13
Moises
Mm hmm.
00;02;15;13 - 00;02;18;03
Massiel
I sold.
00;02;18;03 - 00;02;25;04
Moises
So Rances’ calm, soothing, sexy voice. Is what sudduced you into coaching
00;02;25;05 - 00;02;26;01
Massiel
Absolutely.
00;02;26;14 - 00;02;31;10
Moises
alright Rances we need more of that maybe you can use that on you know this Mic right now.
00;02;32;06 - 00;02;32;09
Moises
Get.
00;02;32;10 - 00;02;33;03
Moises
Some more clients.
00;02;34;08 - 00;02;51;26
Rances
Massiel I have a question though. So like you talked about that moment when you walked in, but that feeling of being scared and everything and I want to hear a little bit about like where you are now. Are you are you currently having that same fear? Like, where are you now in your life?
00;02;52;21 - 00;03;28;16
Massiel
No, I don't walk around and fear anymore. The way I know that is the way I handle my feelings, my emotions before I would explode because I didn't know how to. I didn't understand what I was feeling. Now I have a better understanding of what is it that I'm feeling so I can can not control it, but acknowledge that's really the word I was actually when we came, I was talking to Michael.
00;03;28;16 - 00;04;00;08
Massiel
I remember having these rages like crazy. I don't have those anymore. I understand. I'm getting angry. And I step back and I say, Why am I getting angry? What's making me angry? Then when I understand what it is, sometimes it's not even a big deal. Sometimes it's just me, you know, ego or something. So I don't have those rage moments anymore.
00;04;01;14 - 00;04;04;18
Massiel
So that's that's a big difference from before and now.
00;04;05;24 - 00;04;32;27
Rances
Awesome. So before we move on, you can hear the full podcast Mindset U and any place you listen to your podcast, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and any other things, Stitcher, anything you can think of. We're there and you can watch the live video of the podcast on YouTube now live, but the recorded video on YouTube VidaProject.
00;04;33;01 - 00;04;54;04
Rances
Or you can find all these resources, including how to create change in your life, which is what we're going to be talking about today on VidaPoject.com We have all the podcast listed and all the places you can find them and we also have the theory of change there. So you go into that tab and you can see how you can create these type of changes in your life.
00;04;54;21 - 00;05;10;20
Moises
And I think that's a great segway to one of the questions I've had for you. So how do you feel that coaching and even some of the services that you went through, a VidaProject, actually begin to help you create change?
00;05;11;07 - 00;05;24;09
Massiel
I'm going to start this by saying my children tell when I talk about coaching to people. My kids will tell you, Mom before life coaching, mom after life coaching to different people.
00;05;26;18 - 00;06;06;07
Massiel
They felt before that they couldn't speak to me and they couldn't because there was the judgmental, You can't do this, you can't do that. Or, you know, it was just your ego and your beliefs. Your table with your legs. Right. So with Rances as I sat down and I started taking all the legs of my table that created and just I guess to explain that the table is what you believe or, you know, your your reality, your the legs of the table is what makes that that real, right?
00;06;06;07 - 00;06;34;25
Massiel
What create that that reality. So when you start breaking those down because maybe you believe something because your mom taught you not what you really believe. So when you come from please don't you don't have those stigmas, then you can actually understand the perception of another person like what they cause. Your what you think about something is not the same thing.
00;06;34;25 - 00;07;04;17
Massiel
I think about it. Right. So that that give me a better idea or a better understanding of being able to listen to someone's opinion, not taking it personal, not not being quick to judge. That's their perception. I can't dictate what your perception is going to be. So that that changed my relationship with my kids a lot. So they were they felt more comfortable telling me things.
00;07;04;24 - 00;07;18;29
Massiel
Of course, sometimes I'll be like, Oh, but I was able to listen to see where their were coming from. Even with the relationship with people, I would get upset if somebody would say, Oh, you didn't do. I would take personal, but I'm like, That's what their perception is.
00;07;19;07 - 00;07;25;28
Rances
Mm hmm. So, curiosity, what did you say is the thing that you learned how to be more of.
00;07;27;04 - 00;07;35;00
Massiel
Curious or trying to see where they were coming from? Yeah. You know. Yeah, I guess. Curiosity. Yeah.
00;07;35;29 - 00;07;46;07
Moises
So. Rances I'm curious to know, what was your perception of Massiel prior to the relationship of client coach?
00;07;46;25 - 00;08;11;20
Rances
I mean, I met her the day that she walked in to view the project, and for me, we sat there. We got to to talk. You know, we had a conversation on the phone before, you know, you told me about the kids that you wanted coaching for them. I think you had spoken to to Beverly before. So Beverly told me a little bit more.
00;08;12;28 - 00;08;46;28
Rances
But when I sat down, I was able to listen to your perspective. I was listening and listening to how you viewed things and for me, that was when I was able to to identify that. What you're struggling with is your perception of how things are supposed to be. And when we have that view, that perception of like things are supposed to be this way, and if they're not this way, then I cannot be happy.
00;08;46;28 - 00;09;23;22
Rances
I cannot accept it. I have to fight that lead. That's a recipe for constant battle, constant fights, constant unhappiness. So when I first met Massiel, that's the idea that that I got from her, it was more so about, like, the way that she wants her kids to be. So the other factor of that is I also believe that when we lead by example, that's the way that we help others kind of change around us.
00;09;25;02 - 00;09;47;22
Rances
So with that being said, Massiel is a single mother. She's the biggest influence that her kids are going to have the kids come see me coaching. If that at home influence is still the same thing, it doesn't matter. All right. So for me, it was like, all right, we want to help your kids, all right? So let's help you.
00;09;47;28 - 00;09;48;29
Rances
And that's how we help your kids.
00;09;50;06 - 00;09;50;23
Moises
Got it.
00;09;51;25 - 00;10;18;25
Massiel
I was gonna say. Yeah, that I was having a conversation with. I think it was one of my kids that we're talking about, therapy versus life coaching and I've I've had therapy before, but for me, therapy, I used it to identify the problem. And then once I identify the problem, then I was like, I'm good. Hmm. And then I kind of try to fix it the way I know how to fix it.
00;10;19;18 - 00;10;55;01
Massiel
And I feel therapy is a Band-Aid. Life coaching is taking off the Band-Aid, scraping the wound, and then letting it heal. Mm hmm. Which is what happened or what is happening. Because we're never done. Right. To me, I do remember one, one particular story I had. I was married for free for a couple of years. And I thought that whatever I went through in my relationship, my ex-husband was very, you know, very insecure.
00;10;55;02 - 00;11;20;00
Massiel
And he he projected his insecurity towards me. He projected his he it's a story that I say because it's, you know, people people go through this and some people are like, oh, I'm not going to say that. No, it's fine. When I had my my daughter, me, my first daughter, you know, you she was a 10 lbs baby. So I was 127 lbs.
00;11;20;00 - 00;11;49;06
Massiel
So, you know, you got stretch marks. I remember him I was walking out of the room one time and my towel fell down and he said, Oh, my God, cover yourself, you’re disgusting! And I'm like, Oh, my God. So at that point in my life, I was 19 years old. My family was in Dominican Republic. I was here. So every time, every day, you hear how you're not good enough, how disgusting you look.
00;11;49;06 - 00;12;14;06
Massiel
How so? You that's like the. Like that breaks you down and makes you into this whole nother person. So now you're not even yourself. So fast forward a couple of years, you think that you're over it because we had a semi like a good relationship. I always wanted him to stay in my kid's life because he was a good dad.
00;12;14;06 - 00;12;39;10
Massiel
I am not going to take that away from him. He was just not a good husband. And I remember we had a session and it was a full session because I told Rances that I needed to start him on child support because he didn't necessarily financially support my kids. He would buy them things here and there, but it was not like a constant support.
00;12;39;13 - 00;12;58;19
Massiel
I had to have, you know, two or three jobs to do them. And Rances asked me, he's like, Why don't you do it? And I was like, I don't I don't know. I can't tell you why, because I'm over whatever happened in the past like that. Then, you know, he comes over to my house with with his wife and his kids.
00;12;59;23 - 00;13;17;26
Massiel
So I don't have an issue. And he's like, okay, so let's let's talk about this. Why? Why can't you? Why can't you just file it the motion was done. My my boss, actually, they did it for me, and I couldn't figure out. And I said to him, You know what? I have to let him know. I think I just have to let him know that I'm going to do it.
00;13;18;27 - 00;13;43;07
Massiel
So Rances Is like, do it. I can't tell you. It took me a whole hour to send a text message, like, I'm going to file a motion for child support. I cried. I was shaking. So that told me. Or we figured I was not over it I was just masking it. I was just pretending that it was that it was that I was over it.
00;13;43;12 - 00;14;06;17
Massiel
And I remember around this talked about like you have that five gallon water. You know, you drip the water. There's a there's a little bit of water left in the bottom of the of the gallon of the five gallon. So you put more water on it. You didn't get rid of that water. So that water is moldy and it's just they're stagnant.
00;14;07;05 - 00;14;34;21
Massiel
So when you shake that, everything comes out. So that's what was happening. And that moment, I, I didn't realize that that was so, like, still affecting me so much. So we kind of went through that and I was able to send that text message. And then he actually responded. He said, Thank you for letting me know that feeling of relief was just amazing.
00;14;34;27 - 00;14;46;14
Massiel
Like, I was just like, somebody took like a big weight off my shoulders. And then after that, unfortunately, he just we don't have a relationship anymore.
00;14;46;23 - 00;14;47;06
Moises
Mm hmm.
00;14;47;23 - 00;14;49;18
Massiel
Yeah.
00;14;50;08 - 00;15;13;26
Moises
So I just wanted to highlight that the something that you said, you said, like, therapy is kind of like the band aid and then coach him was like scraping the wound and then putting the Band-Aid on. So I do align with that perspective because like yourself, I went to therapy as well. And at that time when I was going to therapy, I was working closely with Rances because of our business.
00;15;14;08 - 00;15;21;15
Moises
But I saw him in that in that time, more like a coach. Right. Would you agree with that, Rances?
00;15;21;23 - 00;15;32;18
Rances
Yeah. Yeah, that was that was a big part of like hard dynamic started because you were a client first and then you became a business partner. So for us to shift to partners took a while. So we were still in that.
00;15;32;23 - 00;15;56;11
Moises
Yeah. So and that state Rances like I went to therapy. What I kind of understood later in hindsight was that therapy for me was the identification of these stories that may be limiting you and how you're perceiving them. And then the coaching is the actual application. How do you begin to use that information to do something with you?
00;15;56;21 - 00;16;21;22
Moises
So in your story, what I heard was you probably saw this story with your husband play many times in your head and then Rances by pushing you to take an action to deal with the story, which is like go collect the child support. Right. And then forcing you to actually deal with that story. That's how I see therapy versus coaching.
00;16;21;28 - 00;16;22;08
Massiel
Right.
00;16;22;16 - 00;16;44;23
Moises
And I think that for me, I believe that the growth was exponential because I did both at the same time. So I would see a session. And then the next day I would talk to Rances about that session. And then it was like, Oh, here's the application, here's the understanding, and here's another perspective. And then I would go to work on those things.
00;16;46;03 - 00;16;58;05
Moises
I have a question for both of you. What are some of the biggest obstacles that you had to face with each other in the coaching client relationship?
00;16;58;05 - 00;17;24;01
Rances
How? I'll start because what it goes into what you spoke about before, right. Which is lack of awareness. Right. And in like our or theory of change concept, it all starts with awareness. And you were so confident and like you mentioned in that story, you were so confident that I was like, no, no. I dealt with that. I moved on.
00;17;24;14 - 00;17;51;01
Rances
Right. So I'm trying to help you highlight the awareness to become aware that these things are still present to me. Were, was some of the the harder parts, right. Because because it was like again, that level of confidence is like, no, no, that doesn't bother me. Like, you know, you spoke about the stories about when when you were married and, you know, the abuse that you would deal with.
00;17;51;01 - 00;18;16;22
Rances
And you were like, Yeah, but I'm over it. I'm over that. Right. And when we would try to get past that first layer, you would put up so much resistance because, you know, to to explain it from from a coach's perspective. I knew I knew I was aware that you were repressing and not suppressing because you weren't aware that you were even experiencing these things.
00;18;16;28 - 00;18;50;15
Rances
You were repressing these emotions. So for me to get you from that repression to awareness. Mm hmm. For me, was, like, one of the biggest obstacles, you know? And and I think having you go to to that point through the physical experience, like you mentioned, like that first meeting, the meditation that you were able to feel, those things like that was like how we were able to start moving towards getting over that obstacle.
00;18;51;15 - 00;19;09;07
Massiel
So what I realized was that I repressed so many feelings that I was pretty much a robot. I was just existing. There's a body just going, That's just me.
00;19;10;20 - 00;19;12;02
Moises
I Call Rances a robot.
00;19;12;02 - 00;19;44;07
Massiel
So, oh, but he's an intentional robot. And so it's a little bit different. I was just like an involuntary robot, just like the wheel is turning, but nothing is happening. It's just going. So he was able to and I remembered another feeling when the first meditation was the fear was because of the vulnerability that I was feeling at that moment.
00;19;44;19 - 00;20;10;10
Massiel
I've never felt that vulnerable in a long time or probably ever. So the fact that I was going in so deep as if it felt like, um, like if somebody just stripped your clothes off and you're like naked in the middle of, like, Times Square, that's, that's the feeling I was having. So I was like, I don't want this.
00;20;10;10 - 00;20;33;08
Massiel
This feels uncomfortable. So being vulnerable was, I think, one of the biggest obstacles for me, because I didn't want to I didn't want him to, like, cross over like that layer because that's how I protect myself. Like being vulnerable. You're more prone to getting hurt, right? So that's what I was thinking.
00;20;33;19 - 00;20;36;18
Rances
What helped you? What helped me with that?
00;20;37;13 - 00;20;37;28
Moises
Your sexy voice.
00;20;38;01 - 00;20;41;11
Massiel
Your sexy voice.
00;20;41;11 - 00;21;06;04
Massiel
No, It’s true as as is the way you handled my changes and emotions and the way you you coached me through my that first session, just the way you talked me through. It just was just amazing for me.
00;21;07;06 - 00;21;52;16
Moises
So one of the questions that that is coming up for me is um... I hate when Rances does that shit, man. I just want to give him another concussion... One of the questions that comes up for me is in your relationship, have has and you said it before that you struggled the judgments that you struggled with, you know, these beliefs. So when going into coaching, did those judgments or beliefs come up when working with Rances in the sense of about Rances and the coach and the theory of change and the philosophy as a whole?
00;21;52;24 - 00;21;56;18
Moises
Did any of those judgments come up when working with him?
00;21;57;29 - 00;22;03;06
Massiel
No, I'm going to say no. Maybe when it had to do with my kids.
00;22;03;14 - 00;22;03;27
Moises
Okay.
00;22;04;10 - 00;22;17;08
Massiel
Maybe when he would say, well, why don't you know one of the exercises? FBI by I forget exactly what they mean, but just
00;22;17;08 - 00;22;18;12
Rances
Feeling- Behavior- Impact.
00;22;18;12 - 00;22;33;03
Massiel
So there was one issue that I had with one of the one of the girls and you coach me through kind of how to address it. And I was like, no, I don't. It was a conversation.
00;22;34;00 - 00;22;47;14
Massiel
My daughter wanted to do something and I didn't think it was appropriate. And he's like, Oh, why not? And know because no. So, that, that was the only time that it kind of.
00;22;48;01 - 00;22;51;11
Moises
So you felt like it was a disagreement in in approaches or.
00;22;51;17 - 00;23;13;10
Massiel
It was just my belief of the not appropriate or absolutely not. And then his perspective right. He's like, but why not? Because this maybe this can happen. And I was like, Oh, you know what? You're right. So that was the only time I think that I was like, No. But other than that I’m like yes master, what ever you say.
00;23;14;14 - 00;23;30;19
Moises
How about for you Rances any judgments, or I'll phrase it differently. Anything that you wished were available in Massiel personality when working with her to kind of create change at a faster pace.
00;23;36;01 - 00;24;02;11
Rances
So that I, I really enjoyed working with Massiel. She was like she mentioned she was very willing. There's times with clients that we have to go over the obstacle of their willingness, like they come in, they willing, but then they get into those spaces of discomfort and they're like, No, you know, Massiel never really had that. She was very willing.
00;24;02;11 - 00;24;44;08
Rances
And and I think we also both understood that what we were doing was necessary for what she wanted to achieve. So I, I outside of her forgetfulness, because, like, you know, the FBI thing, that was something that that I gave her that tool like ten times. And it wasn't until I think she started bringing her notebook that she started implementing things better because we were talking about, okay, so this FBI, you're going to use this FBI concept when you're talking to your kids.
00;24;45;03 - 00;25;02;00
Rances
And she'd be like, okay, got it. Yes, FBI will repeat it like 30 times. And then the next session comes and she'll be like, what was that again? I remember you said something and it's like, but then she started bringing a notebook and when she started bringing the notebook in, she would actually review the notebook on her own time.
00;25;02;03 - 00;25;09;28
Rances
And to me, that was that was a big change in terms of implementation and speed of implementation of things.
00;25;11;15 - 00;25;23;16
Moises
Massiel When when did you actually notice? When did you identify that you were actually changing? When was that? Can you pinpoint that moment?
00;25;24;03 - 00;25;51;24
Massiel
Honestly, it was almost immediate with I noticed at first with my kids, it was just a completely different interaction and dynamic in my household when literally the first two weeks, like it was just the first time that my kid sat down and she's like, Oh, do you can I tell you something? I was like, Oh, are you talking to me?
00;25;51;24 - 00;26;16;09
Massiel
Like, You want to talk to me? And then after I answered, I asked her, I'm like, Why? How come you and how come you, you know, told me this like a couple of days later, she's like, Mommy, you're just like, so calm. Like, you just. I wanted to talk to you, and I'm like, Oh, okay, cool. So I didn't necessarily she realized that on my own.
00;26;16;09 - 00;26;18;24
Massiel
I realized that because of actions like that.
00;26;19;14 - 00;26;25;05
Moises
Did you both establish some type of measure to identify growth or progress?
00;26;25;28 - 00;26;38;19
Rances
We did. We did. And I remember I kind of went off on you because you casually mentioned it and didn't even realize that it was the thing that you remember what it was.
00;26;39;07 - 00;26;40;07
Massiel
Was it the little book?
00;26;40;24 - 00;27;11;10
Rances
So the first thing that we said, how do we know that you're changing? How do we know that this is having an impact? And you had said, well, I think I would love to see my daughters come into the room and talk to me, to come into my room and talk to me, like willing like not me telling them, but them come in and we were in a session, I think it was like three weeks in and you're like, Yeah, because the girls came into my room and they were telling me and telling me about boys and all this stuff.
00;27;11;10 - 00;27;33;08
Rances
I was like, Are you kidding me right now? And you're like, What? What is it? And this goes into that forgetfulness is, like I said, and I pulled up the book and I'm like, Look what we said here. We said that, you know, you're moving forward. You know that this is having the impact that you want. When your daughters walk into your room to talk to you and you just casually talking about this again, this has been happening.
00;27;34;19 - 00;27;34;29
Massiel
Right?
00;27;36;03 - 00;27;38;12
Rances
You're like, oh, yeah, yeah, that's true.
00;27;39;19 - 00;27;45;00
Massiel
Is that my my reality just turns into the new reality and that's just how it is.
00;27;45;09 - 00;28;04;28
Moises
Mm. So before I want to shift gears, but before we do that, don't forget to subscribe to any of our podcasts on any channel. I mean, let me say that again. Don't forget to subscribe to our podcast on any channel you find us at VidaProject.com and YouTube as well.
00;28;05;10 - 00;28;08;08
Rances
Next episode Part two Doing the Impossible.