Generational Parenting
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In this episode, Jason, Moises, and Rances delve into the topic of parenting and the challenges that come with it. Although they admit to not being experts on the subject, they discuss how parents play a significant role in shaping a child's identity and experiences and the way they parent can impact the child's growth and development. The conversation also covers different parenting styles, the importance of awareness and vulnerability in parenting, and the potential unintentional trauma that can occur.
Key Points:
Parents unintentionally cause trauma to their children by imposing their own identities on them
Managing oneself emotionally is the biggest challenge as a parent, and leading by example is crucial
Allowing children to practice under challenging circumstances is important for their growth
Treating children as individuals and allowing them to express themselves is vital
Different parenting styles, including strict, religious, high achiever, helicopter, and modern
Importance of awareness and vulnerability in parenting
Moises' dad's changing parenting style and the impact on his children
Main Takeaways: Parenting is a challenging task that requires self-awareness, vulnerability, and a willingness to change. Different parenting styles may work for different families, but ultimately, parents must recognize their children's individuality and allow them to express themselves. Unintentional trauma can occur when parents impose their own identity on their children or shield them too much from the world's challenges. It is crucial for parents to manage themselves emotionally and lead by example while allowing their children to practice under challenging circumstances. Parents must also be aware of their own traumas and work through them to avoid causing harm to their children.
Outro: Parenting is an ongoing journey that requires patience, empathy, and a growth mindset. By being aware of different parenting styles, managing oneself emotionally, and challenging oneself as a parent, we can create a healthy and positive environment for our children to thrive. Thank you for tuning in to this episode, and we hope it provided valuable insights into navigating parenting and unintentional trauma.
Timestamps
0:00 - Intro
1:38 - Parents unintentionally cause trauma to their children?
4:16 - Acknowlging what my parents did well
7:07 - When your kids become their own person
11:03 - Leading by example is crucial
15:35 - Parents do what was done to them
17:03 - Parents fall off the pedestal
19:59 - Growing beyond the replication
24:16 - Parenting Styles
29:14 - Tell us your thoughts https://forms.gle/aqLERqWV4H1BqDB79
Transcript
00;00;00;04 - 00;00;17;18
Jason
There's no rules in this bitch. Okay. So we're going to talk about whatever you want, whatever we want, because we're going to spin it and let you all know what we're going to talk about for 15 minutes. I'm going to give you rapid fire stuff there. They're the coaches on the everyday guy. I'm going to challenge them because who the fuck are they to tell me what to do?
00;00;17;25 - 00;00;43;17
Jason
They don't know me. They do know me. Know me for a really long time. But that's not the point. The point is we're here to give you guys a fun podcast and hopefully you learn some shit along the way. All right. Hey, everybody, welcome back to new episode of Mindset U I’m Jason Moreno this is Moises and that's Rances because he doesn't like his last name being said out load today’s episode is all about parenting which me and Moe know nothing about because we are not parents but we have been parented.
00;00;43;17 - 00;00;54;15
Rances
It remember to subscribe on our YouTube channel VidaProject.com or find us anywhere you listen to podcasts as Mindset U
00;00;54;15 - 00;01;08;23
Jason
You that's right and don't type in VidaProject.com in YouTube just do VidaProject because you know doesn't know what he's talking about all the time anyway you said on YouTube go to VidaProject.com
00;01;08;23 - 00;01;19;27
Rances
I'm sorry. He's right, but you can go to VidaProject.com and you can find all the links to all the podcast sources, all the YouTube channels and all the videos.
00;01;20;07 - 00;01;23;07
Jason
And other and and everything else. VidaProject Does
00;01;23;07 - 00;01;23;25
Rances
Yeah, yeah.
00;01;24;12 - 00;01;26;24
Moises
You know. Yeah. We got some other stuff. We do, we do things.
00;01;28;05 - 00;01;30;22
Jason
They do things. I don't know what they do exactly what they do.
00;01;30;24 - 00;01;31;12
Rances
He works with.
00;01;31;12 - 00;01;45;02
Jason
Great and I work with them, so This lets you know just how good it is. A secret. Top secret. Um, yeah. So like I said, so these episodes are all about parenting being Moises are not parents. Rances This is just two wonderful kids.
00;01;45;23 - 00;02;11;28
Rances
Well, I think that the position here is like, okay, I'm the parent. Yes, but Moises, as an educator with kids, has a lot of experience from the professional side, from the science side, and then you from your experience of being a single child, being parented, as you said, but also of your parents being very self aware individuals. I think that gives an interesting perspective.
00;02;11;28 - 00;02;16;20
Rances
So it's not just like this one sided. I'm the only parent here. I think there's a lot of perspectives here, too.
00;02;17;10 - 00;02;23;12
Jason
It is true. I have parents.
00;02;24;07 - 00;02;24;14
Rances
And.
00;02;25;22 - 00;02;28;08
Moises
I think that we should talk about how parents fucked their children up.
00;02;28;25 - 00;02;29;20
Rances
And what do you mean by that?
00;02;31;13 - 00;03;02;01
Moises
So I think that I think a lot of the times, a lot of the trauma, like we were talking about in our last episode, we were talking about our identity and where that stems from. So it stems from our experiences, but it also stems from our parents and what they tell us our identities are. And Jay had expressed how his parents told basically told them or the children in the family what to do.
00;03;02;01 - 00;03;34;19
Moises
It's not a choice. It's a it's it's a command. Right. And I think from you, you kind of seen a lot of things from your family where you were parented differently from your brothers, your brothers and your sister. And now you even parent your children differently from how you experienced it. And myself with my parents and how I said, like, in order to grow, you need to think of your parents as peasants.
00;03;35;11 - 00;03;41;09
Moises
That was actually the statement that I had once said with our ancestors, like, Yeah, that's how you get better when.
00;03;41;23 - 00;03;41;28
Jason
You.
00;03;41;29 - 00;03;45;02
Moises
Bring them down the pedestal. Okay, take them off the pedestal.
00;03;45;10 - 00;03;45;17
Jason
Yeah.
00;03;45;17 - 00;03;55;04
Rances
But for Moises brain calling them peasants is really. I see. Very he was, he was through a whole phase where he was calling everyone peasants. Yeah.
00;03;55;11 - 00;03;58;12
Jason
You get to that. Is that the idea that.
00;03;58;12 - 00;04;04;26
Moises
So yeah. Was just I was just an asshole complete asshole. But I'm a lot kinder and more.
00;04;05;10 - 00;04;30;12
Jason
Well save here so that you knew even when I was younger. I think I'm a lot nicer now than when I was younger because I would just run my mouth. All right. So let's start let's start with the parents. Let's start with the guy who's actually a parent first and then we'll we'll switch. So what was it like bringing to humans into the world and what was it like navigating?
00;04;30;25 - 00;04;34;10
Jason
How you going to reason with Bella compared to like how you were raised?
00;04;35;13 - 00;05;14;11
Rances
Okay. So number one is from from my parents, there is a lot of things that I put into practice with my kids. So it's not like I'm saying, you know, my parents fucked me up and I'm going. There was a lot of elements from my parenting, my parents parenting that I applied to. My parenting number one is and it's funny because as a kid, I never realized how difficult this must have been for my mother until like I started parenting this way, which was my mother always encouraged me to question things, to ask why.
00;05;14;24 - 00;05;35;07
Rances
So no matter what situation I was in, to always ask why, right? And now I'll I felt to me that was a super empowering thing. Growing up and as an adult is like, I don't take things for for what they are I. Question So with my kids it was like, oh, this is definitely something I want. And then you have to deal with.
00;05;36;06 - 00;05;36;19
Jason
Know why.
00;05;36;19 - 00;05;37;14
Moises
Why, why?
00;05;38;02 - 00;06;09;13
Rances
So why do I have to do this? And everything needs to have a logical explanation otherwise. And this is the hardest part, which is like where I, I deviate from my parents is from like specifically because I said so, right. That idea I encourage my kids to question why and sometimes that challenges you to understand their reasoning behind something.
00;06;09;13 - 00;06;56;16
Rances
And sometimes it's dumb, sometimes your reasoning behind something is like and I think this is where parents would say that I told you so is because like you've come to the end of the cliff and you're like, I don't know why, because it just has to be this way. This is the way things are, right? And so when my kids when they when they go into that realm and they want to have reasons and so on and so forth, I encourage I always when they hear the reasonings, though, this is the challenge, this is kind of the is that they're trying to create their argument to counter said reason so their intention doesn't come from curiosity
00;06;56;16 - 00;07;01;01
Rances
for the most part. It comes from like, how do I dismantle this? Which I also encourage.
00;07;01;16 - 00;07;04;21
Jason
But at the same time you’re just like just eat your fucking food and leave me alone.
00;07;05;04 - 00;07;22;07
Rances
Well, it becomes a challenge when it's like, for example, just yesterday they they had a tutoring session that was rescheduled. Right? So this is out of their routine. It was a tutoring session that happens on a Tuesdays. Right. And was rescheduled for a Saturday, Saturday morning.
00;07;22;07 - 00;07;22;20
Jason
That's for.
00;07;22;20 - 00;07;22;25
Jason
thats rough
00;07;22;27 - 00;07;25;12
Moises
So no one wants to wake up on a saturday
00;07;25;26 - 00;07;36;05
Rances
So, you know, we told them the day before we prepared them and everything. And then the morning of we have two kids having an emotional mental breakdown as why now?
00;07;36;05 - 00;07;39;11
Rances
I'm not going. I don't want to go. You're forcing.
00;07;39;11 - 00;07;54;01
Rances
Us. And in this case, we're like, you know, these are the reasons for so forth, but we don't have time to dive into it because we have to get this is a thing that we pay like $120 per session for it.
00;07;54;12 - 00;07;56;01
Jason
So it's happening.
00;07;56;01 - 00;08;05;06
Rances
Yeah. We don't have time to sit here and explain all the nuances of it to get you on board. In this sense, you have to trust us.
00;08;05;29 - 00;08;14;24
Jason
It's kind of like that kid's life gives you lemons and you're going to have to make lemonade out of it. So shut the fuck up and get in the car because you’re going to learn on this fucking Saturday.
00;08;14;25 - 00;08;29;03
Rances
But you know, it's really cool with that. I have been encouraging my kids and we, my wife and I created a system for our kids to start to learn from books right.
00;08;29;22 - 00;08;34;00
Jason
wait wait wait you are telling me, you're teaching your kids to learn from books.
00;08;34;28 - 00;08;36;07
Rances
Personal development, books
00;08;36;12 - 00;08;37;13
Jason
How Revolutionary of you.
00;08;37;29 - 00;08;39;19
Rances
No But we then incentivized.
00;08;39;28 - 00;08;44;02
Moises
I think I think there's a an organization that does the same exact thing
00;08;44;05 - 00;08;44;20
Jason
School, library
00;08;44;20 - 00;08;45;20
Moises
School... yeah
00;08;46;05 - 00;08;46;11
Rances
Have.
00;08;47;04 - 00;08;48;04
Moises
So you’re homeschoolin
00;08;48;05 - 00;08;54;02
Rances
We're incentivizing it by paying them.
00;08;54;02 - 00;08;58;08
Jason
Oh it's kind of like like we were kids and like I read a bunch of books because they would get us pizza hut
00;08;58;27 - 00;09;00;22
Moises
You get mealy money or something like that
00;09;00;28 - 00;09;05;09
Jason
Pizza. So I'd never read more in my life. Then when someone was like you'll get pizza after this.
00;09;05;12 - 00;09;06;25
Moises
Yes. We were in the same.
00;09;06;25 - 00;09;11;28
Jason
Yes, yeah. I've read we asked it because pizza was I loved me some book pizza.
00;09;12;02 - 00;09;13;17
Moises
Yeah. J did love pizza. Yeah.
00;09;13;23 - 00;09;17;08
Jason
So that makes sense. You would cut school so pizza.
00;09;17;15 - 00;09;39;25
Rances
So funny thing is with one of the books my daughter read is a parenting. So it's it's all the books from my library and they're, they're audio books. So they're in a sense they're beyond their, their age what they're supposed to be reading. But I've set a specific group of books that that I believe will keep them engaged.
00;09;39;25 - 00;10;12;23
Rances
And also the information in is pretty, pretty up their level what I sense so my daughter just read a parenting book , which number one it put her to understand the perspective of parents and also to understand what would be the ideal approach. So this does two things. This made her like recognize like, oh wow, you guys are having a hard time and then also judge us, be like, that's not how you're supposed to handle this.
00;10;12;29 - 00;10;14;27
Rances
You supposed to say this and then do this.
00;10;15;18 - 00;10;21;06
Jason
And yes, how enjoyable is that?
00;10;21;06 - 00;10;34;13
Rances
So again, when things are casual, it's cool. But when we're like in this situation, we're trying to get moving. And she brings up like, no, you have to explain to us because ...
00;10;35;12 - 00;10;37;26
Jason
Chapter 24, Section two.
00;10;38;15 - 00;11;02;19
Rances
Basically, and I'm like, no, you remember the chapter about when the little kid was throwing a tantrum and they needed to cross the street. This is that chapter. If so, that it's it's challenging because we want to empower our kids to think freely, to think independently, except is a challenge when they're thinking free and independently, when we want them to do stuff.
00;11;03;21 - 00;11;35;23
Moises
But I feel like that's the hard work of parenting that sometimes parents don't want to do to set their child up for success as an adult. So I see a lot of parents that will tell their child what to do, how to do it, and in extreme cases, do it for them. Which then to me, in the long run, when I look at the the consequences of that behavior, I'm like, that kid is not going to be able to do anything and contribute anything to society, and that's what fucks up
00;11;35;23 - 00;11;43;05
Jason
So that's one way of looking at it and that's one very extreme way of looking at it. I think that it's.
00;11;43;05 - 00;12;14;09
Rances
It's identifying like the mindset component of parenting that like with what I was sharing, it's like the challenges that I face as a parent which, which has everything to do with my expectations, with my emotional management, with my managing myself. That's really the biggest challenge as a parent. But I think when you practice that management within yourself, you get to lead by example.
00;12;14;09 - 00;12;44;17
Rances
So to your point of like if you're shielding your child too much, right, you're not allowing them to kind of experience how to manage the we talked about in the last episode about like, you know, putting yourself in uncomfortable situation. You're never allowing your child to train under the challenging circumstances. And I think that's the mindset component of parenting is when you're able to manage your own emotions, you're also able to serve as an example for your child to manage their emotion.
00;12;44;24 - 00;12;49;03
Rances
But then there has to be an area where the child gets to practice the training.
00;12;49;26 - 00;12;55;23
Moises
Hmm. So space for the the error and the learning and, and the care.
00;12;55;23 - 00;13;30;17
Jason
Yeah, I think it's also I think people forget that the parents are just oversize children at the end of the day, like we're all kids and they're working through their issues because they're working with the what they know, how they were raised. You know, and it brings me to a conversation I was telling you guys earlier where I had this really long emotional talk with my mom, where she was like, you know, growing up, you know, she raised me and her like my mom and my aunts raise all of the kids in my family, the older kids at least where like, you know, we have these expectations of you.
00;13;31;08 - 00;13;52;02
Jason
These aren't requests, these are commands kind of thing. And it went into one of those things where it was it wasn't really an issue, but my mom later on was like, I didn’t treat you as individual, even as you let me be an individual like she always let me express myself as you like, but you were possession to me kind of thing.
00;13;52;02 - 00;14;08;02
Jason
And I just need to make sure that you were okay and that you had everything you needed and blah, blah, blah. And she goes, and I didn't really realize it until you were older. And we got this huge blowout where she I essentially just blew up on her. And I was like, You don't fucking listen to me.
00;14;08;02 - 00;14;24;09
Jason
You never fucking listen. It's always your way and that's fine. But you don't fucking listen to me and that's why I don't express myself. That's why I hide everything from you. So I don't talk So not to be I feel that's why I make everything a joke. Because you don't listen to me. And I stormed out the house.
00;14;24;09 - 00;14;47;22
Jason
And so, first of all, I actually grew a set because I was like, she always talks about fucking me up. Let's see if she can fuck me if I run away. She she's, you know, she's still in her towel and that was it. I think that was you. I knew that she never enough time to, like, get dressed and, like, really run after me because she was still, like, in her bathrobe kind of thing and, and she was like, know, I didn't I had no idea that she was like, when that happened, you left and you drove off.
00;14;47;22 - 00;15;05;07
Jason
She was she was. I cry. And I cried and I cried and I cried and and and she talked to my dad and he was like, you got to realize that he's growing up to be his own person and as much as you want him to be okay and you want to be safe, you got to realize it.
00;15;05;20 - 00;15;35;18
Jason
He's going to do his own thing, whether you like it or not. And you have to make it a point. Where do you want him to tell you what he's doing or do you want to hide what he's doing? Because right now you teach him how to hide everything. And going into like my future relationships, I like to hide things, you know, hide how I feel, hide who or see, hide all these other things that it really took a lot of work to be like, I don't have to hide everything.
00;15;36;09 - 00;15;52;07
Jason
I don't always have to hide stuff. And it came down from from parents saying and I don't blame my parents for it because like when I talked to my mom about it, it's just one of the things that that's just how she was raised. She was raised that do what you're told, you do what you're told. And that's how I get off your ass.
00;15;52;07 - 00;16;09;12
Jason
If you do well in school, you do this, I won't fuck with you kind of thing, but if you fuck up the job on your ass. So it was she was my prison warden in a sense, in high school and stuff like that. And it it was and not a, not a malicious set because it sounds worse like saying that out loud.
00;16;09;25 - 00;16;34;21
Jason
Mama was super loving. I love her to death. That's one of my best friends in the world. But she was doing the best what she had. So I think growing up now I have more empathy for parents because I'm one, I'm older and two, I'm able to have these discussions with my parents and like there's so much going on in their lives to then expect them to act accordingly.
00;16;34;29 - 00;16;57;08
Jason
Perfect. Every, you know, every step of my life because, like, I'm not easy to do it. I'm I'm a reflection of them. And I was smartass and I'm stubborn and I'm all these different things. I mean, I'm lovable, you know, and I'm great, but at the same time, like with your kids, how you talk about why? Oh, that's why all the time I want to get an answer because I was always because I fucking said so.
00;16;57;08 - 00;17;22;12
Jason
Shut up, go to your room kind of thing. But it made me go from like having these weird angers at my anger at my mom when I was like in my early twenties to, to really understanding her now kind of thing and really appreciated her and realize like everything that she does is, is for me. And that's a, it's a wild thing.
00;17;22;12 - 00;17;40;26
Jason
And it's one of those things that I think that's one of the things that stop me from from being a parent sometimes because I'm like, do I have that in me? You know? And I do. And of course, I think, you know, if if Ashley became pregnant, of course I have it in me.
00;17;41;22 - 00;17;44;09
Moises
Nah even if you don't, you have to.
00;17;44;10 - 00;18;04;16
Jason
Yeah, well, but you do anything like you have no choice but to fucking, you know, step up to the plate kind of thing. But it's always one of those things that's like that's like the that's my, my, it's my crutch for being like I don’t need a kid because I'm not ready to, you know, I don't haveit in me emotionally to give all of myself to it.
00;18;04;16 - 00;18;28;20
Jason
And I'm like, you fucking do you like I know I do. I know I'll be a great dad. I know I'll be a great parent. I mean, I'll I'll be a unconventional parents, but I'll be a parent. But, you know, and it's I really appreciate being able to talk to my parents now, you know, and having some sort of clarity as to like where they were mentally and stuff like that.
00;18;28;20 - 00;18;52;14
Jason
Because, like, you don't think about that stuff as a kid. You don't think about what your parents are going through. You don't think about the hardships that they're going through. You know, I don't think about the fact that, like, you know, my mom lost her dad when he was 63. You know what I mean? I thought about how it affected me, but I never really thought about how it affected her, you know, or like how my dad's parents, my dad was one of nine.
00;18;52;28 - 00;19;09;13
Jason
He never really got the love that he showed me. And I always laugh and I make the joke that, like, you're also my dad. I love him. He's like, That's cool, you know? And it's one of those things where I'm like At first Oh, my dad's so fucking macho like he does. He doesn't know how to express himself.
00;19;09;24 - 00;19;30;15
Jason
And it's not that. It's, it's he's he was used to somebody told him that they loved him. And that's fucking heartbreaking when you think about it and to think about what that did for him and how it'd be to be a better parent. It's it makes me love him even more. And especially with almost losing him when I was younger too.
00;19;30;15 - 00;19;49;12
Jason
That made me get really attached to my parents and it was one of those things that I'd never I'd never like. It's one of those things now that, like, it makes it hard to think about moving away from because those are two of like my closest people. And knowing the actual loss, my dad when I was younger, like, that freaks me out like that.
00;19;49;17 - 00;19;58;13
Jason
That's one of my biggest fears is losing one of my parents oh to this day that's it's fucking scary and I love them fucking assholes.
00;19;59;23 - 00;20;37;04
Rances
Moe I have a question for you first from the teacher perspective of you know, I'd imagine that you have had a couple hundred kids go under under your tutelage. Right. And then meeting their parents. And you've mentioned this in the past about like kids are the mirror image of their parents. So for for from the essence of the question that you ask about how parents fuck their kids up, how do you perceive that or see their experience as a teacher?
00;20;37;04 - 00;20;55;03
Moises
So just to create clarity, I don't necessarily believe that parents actually fuck their kids up in the sense that they're consciously doing it, like to Jay's point, I believe that they have a beliefs on on how this brand. New.
00;20;55;21 - 00;21;26;10
Moises
Brain navigates this very complex world. And the only way that the only information they have access to is their experience. That's that's really it. And I learned that, too, as I went through similar experiences by understanding what my parents went through as a teacher. I would say in hindsight now, in my experience, I've learned a lot more reflecting on myself as a teacher.
00;21;26;10 - 00;21;44;29
Moises
But what I can say is that students are the mirror image of their parents, and it's evident when like I would prepare myself for teacher parent conference and I never met the parents before. And then the parent actually walks in and from the physical walk, you.
00;21;44;29 - 00;21;46;16
Jason
Could tell you can.
00;21;46;16 - 00;22;09;06
Moises
Tell whose parent that is. And it's just like dad, like I watch, like even myself, like I'm do things in the car the way I drive. Like there are moments and flashes that I'm like, Oh shit, I'm a dad and my father right now, you know, the way that I do things and now I like, I watch you and then I see Logan do some of his mannerisms and I'm like, Oh shit, that Rances
00;22;10;20 - 00;22;49;10
Moises
And it's just, it's just the, the way of nature. Like, that's how nature replicates itself. Like, it's based off. Like if you look at a cell, it's based off the identical kind of replication of its previous self with some mutations, and then that cell adapts to different things. And as a teacher, I learned that very quickly. When I understood that I start a stop placing blame on the child, and that made me a better teacher, because as of it's not their fault, which in hindsight made me understand, is that my parents fault, because they had parents who went through their own shit, who had parents that went through their own shit cycle.
00;22;49;24 - 00;23;10;25
Moises
Yeah. Yeah. And the only thing that you can actually do is help someone build awareness. And that comes with, like, expressing, like, vulnerability, like the story that you told us about with your mom. Like, I think that's very important. Like in that moment that you decided to be vulnerable and truly express how you felt about her situation is what allowed her to change her behavior.
00;23;11;06 - 00;23;34;28
Moises
And I think a lot of the times I think, like I look at the way Rances parents is like he allows that opportunity to occur, which I think makes the probability for a better human being and citizen to actually be to navigate this world for the future. That's like really the mission of being a parent and like you said, you don't want kids.
00;23;34;28 - 00;23;52;10
Moises
And I think I heard I don't know if you don't want kids. I mean, you always joke around not having kids and but I don't really know. That's like an actual thing. Like if you don't do or do not want. But I heard somebody say that I think was Patrick the the guy that say always looks like my father.
00;23;52;10 - 00;24;18;01
Moises
He said that the people, the good people in the world, the people with the growth mindset are the ones that should be having kids. Those are the people that should be having kids because those are the people that are going to increase the probability of creating human beings that will navigate this earth and this planet to a a more peaceful place.
00;24;18;01 - 00;24;21;29
Rances
I've been watching with the kids the show that's on Hulu.
00;24;22;04 - 00;24;24;00
Moises
Hulu parents Test the parent Test. Yeah.
00;24;24;09 - 00;24;47;18
Rances
So my kids who they found there, they're like, we want to watch this. Right. And we've been watching. And the whole idea behind the show is all different types of parenting styles, right? From strict to like religious to high achiever, helicopter parents like modern Yeah. All these all these different types of parenting. It's like a lot different types of parenting.
00;24;48;17 - 00;25;19;23
Rances
And my, my son noticed they were they were having like two parents were having this like debate back and forth. And my son was like, why does she think that, like, her way is the right way? And to me, that was like, that's awesome that you can recognize that. So like for me is like a pat on my back for my parenting style and, and is the idea of where like we're all doing whatever we're doing because we believe it's the best thing, right?
00;25;20;00 - 00;25;40;09
Rances
So like the helicopter parents to me is like, are you crazy? You're hurting your kids, right? To those parents, that is what they believe is the best thing for their kids. So like everyone's making these decisions based off of their perspectives, based off sometimes their trauma, right. And how to protect their kids or how to help their kids to to overcome that.
00;25;40;24 - 00;26;02;17
Rances
So I don't think that there is, you know, the best approach or anything like that. I think it's all subjective. Exactly. And and like for me, with our parenting style, which like I can see a little bit of like all parenting styles in the way that we parent, but it's like it's more about the outcome is more about the intent.
00;26;02;17 - 00;26;42;27
Rances
So like we have their mission statements about the intent of that where we challenged things on their are happening and we adjust to things if we feel like they're not leading to that intent. So that though I believe, requires awareness and that's where it comes from. You know, that the key concepts that we talk about VidaProject which is like the awareness and the vulnerability because for parents to have those moments like your parents had where you said That's your mom, and she reflected as opposed to digging her heels in and saying, no, no, it's I'm right versus effective.
00;26;42;27 - 00;26;46;13
Rances
Right. That is the hardest thing about parenting.
00;26;48;00 - 00;26;49;16
Jason
It really is. And if you're.
00;26;49;16 - 00;27;03;02
Rances
Too to egotistical to recognize to me that's how you hurt your kids. If you're unwilling to challenge yourself.
00;27;03;02 - 00;27;06;29
Moises
Yeah, I think I'm watching my my dad is. I have it.
00;27;07;08 - 00;27;08;17
Jason
Yeah. You're watching your dad. Dad. Again
00;27;08;20 - 00;27;23;19
Moises
Yeah, yeah. Watching my dad be a dad while after experiencing his form of being a father to me. And it's really interesting because the approach is very different. At 65 years old.
00;27;23;19 - 00;27;28;23
Jason
Do you ever feel like some sort of resentment? Sometimes, like when you see no way, like he treats.
00;27;28;23 - 00;27;32;07
Moises
No, no, I don't know. I don't that's I know. My sisters do.
00;27;32;07 - 00;27;33;21
Jason
Yeah, I can imagine.
00;27;33;26 - 00;27;59;29
Moises
I know my my my younger sister than I do. So yeah, she's the one that that experiences the resentment and I can totally understand why, like just being there my, like, my, my, my little sister didn't have that opportunity that I kind of understand, like, where my dad's coming from. And I see my dad reflecting on the way that he parent did, like my, my full sister, Nina and I.
00;28;00;16 - 00;28;21;26
Moises
And then now how he's approaching, you know, my youngest sister. And that to me was pretty interesting to see him change his approach because my dad I remember I always spoke to Rances about this. My dad's really like stubborn. He's like down to the line, like, it's his way or no way. But in the past couple of years, he's he's changed that.
00;28;22;15 - 00;28;28;24
Moises
And I think it's because the world is changing, too. Yeah. And in order to be an effective parent like.
00;28;29;16 - 00;28;31;02
Jason
It doesn't work the way it used to.
00;28;31;08 - 00;28;54;23
Moises
Yeah. You're, you're, you're framing or the way that you perceive the world. No longer exists. So therefore, all these skills and, well, not all the skills, but like you can argue that the skills that you have or the way that you perceive the world navigated the world no longer works. Right. And it doesn't work for me. Like we believe in adaptability.
00;28;55;08 - 00;29;14;01
Moises
So the way that I approach, even when I talk to teachers, when I go into the rooms and I consult teachers, I talk about what skills are you going to teach in order for them to synthesize information, to be able to make their own decisions? And I think parenting is no different.
00;29;14;12 - 00;29;39;05
Jason
All right. So everybody now is let's talk about parenting and being parented. Remember to like subscribe and follow us on YouTube at VidaProject and to also visit VidaProject.com, to watch all our podcasts and everything else that's VidaProject related. And if you're on Spotify in any other place where you listen to podcasts, follow us at a Mindset U.